Friday, December 31, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This is the last Grace in Small Things of 2010. So, this week:
**My friends
**Quality time
**Walks in the morning
**Ice cream
**The end of 2010

Reverb 10: At my core

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

At my core: I am stronger than I though I was. I have an amazing support system. I am worth it. I am loved. I can do anything I put my mind to. I am amazing.

Reverb 10: Gift

Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

The most memorable gift I received this year was the gift of freedom. The gift to be who I really am. The gift of amazing friends. I could not have asked for a better gift this year.

Reverb 10: Defining moment

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I think my defining moment for 2010 was my breakup. I know I talk about it a lot. I feel like I not only broke up with him but also with a version of myself I didn't recognize. I feel like I lost myself. I need to take time for me and reconnect with myself. I know it will take time, but I know I will get there.

Reverb 10: Believe to achieve

Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I need to get off my butt. I need to do so much. I just need to move. I need to get a new job. I need to stop being lazy. I just need to do. I think I'll just keep moving forward. I'm scared I'll never feel complete. I need to believe in myself.

Reverb 10: Oh so oridnary

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

The sun isn't up yet, but he's ready to go. He knows we can't go anywhere until he has the leash on. Once he sits down, it goes on and off we go. We live right across the street from a park so walks are easy. I enjoy being outside, just the two of us. I feel peaceful and ready to start the day. So ordinary.

Reverb 10: Soul Food

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

This one was tough for me. I cannot think of anything I ate that really touched me. I really hope to start cooking and exploring food more in 2011. Food is such an important part of where I live.

Reverb 10: A photo is word a thousand words

Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I took this photo right after I got my hair done. I also got contacts that day. It was a new beginning for me. I strive to me, always better, always learning.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Reverb 10: Everything is OK

Prompt: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Nov. 24, 2010 at about 7 pm. She opened the door, and I sort of tackle hugged/fell into her arms. She let me cry in her shoulder for five minutes. That was really all I needed. I looked around the room, into the faces of people who are now family, and knew that I was going to be okay. No one said it was easy, they just said it would be worth it.

Reverb 10: What's in a name?

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

heath·er [heth-er]
1. any of various heaths, esp. Calluna vulgaris, of England and Scotland, having small, pinkish-purple flowers.
2. (of a yarn or fabric color) subtly flecked or mottled: all-cotton turtlenecks in your choice of five solid colors plus heather gray and heather green.
[Origin: 1300–50; sp. var. of hether, earlier hedder, hadder, hather, ME hathir; akin to heath]

—Related forms
heathered, adjective

That is what my name means. I tell people I'm named after a shrub. Growing up, I knew lots of girls with my name. I hated it. When there was more then one of us together, it was confusing because you had to figure out who they were talking to. Over the years, I have grown to like my name. Not love, just like.

Enter belly dancing. Heather is not the most exotic stage name out there so I won't be using it. This has been a topic of discussion since solo night. I don't have a stage name and am having a hard time coming up with one. I want something that stands out and embraces me, not only as a dancer, but as a person. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Reverb 10: Travel

Prompt: Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

I didn't do much traveling in 2010, unless you count going to RenFest traveling, which I do. It was like a mini vacation. So much fun. I would love to travel more in 2011. I need to stop saying I want things to happen and actually make them happen. I want to make for time for travel in 2011. Let's see if I can actually make it happen.

Reverb 10: Past and future

Prompt: Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Dear future me-
Take time for those who matter. Love with all your heart. Forgive freely. Stop worrying so much and just do. Work will always be there. You need to live. Don't regret decisions you have made; they have made you into the person you are. Tell people you love them all the time. Take time for yourself; go the movies, eat dinner, just be. I hope you have figured out who you are and love her. Stop beating yourself up. Life happens. Let it happen and love the journey. It's not about the destination.


Dear younger self-
There are people in your life who love you more than anything. Turn to them. They will be there for you. Learn to love yourself. Learn when to shut up. I know a lot has happened to you but you are so much stronger for it. You have made your own family. It's okay to take time off of work. It will always be there. You will grow up to be headstrong and very giving. It's okay to take time for yourself. You will need it.


Reverb 10: Avoiding things

Prompt: Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Well, I didn't go to RenFest like I wanted every weekend because of work. I still haven't left me job because I'm scared I won't find another one. There aren't many things I didn't do this year. That's good, right?

Reverb 10: Healing

Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

My healing this year was slow and steady. I'm still going at it. I'm still healing from a broken relationship. It was nothing we both did, it just wasn't working. I'm still trying to find myself and am having fun doing so.

I would like to go into 2011 knowing that I learned from my mistakes and taking those lessons with me.

Reverb 10: Try

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

This is short and sweet: I'm going to try to be a better version of myself in 2011. I have no other choice but to be better than what I am right now. I have to much life to live to anything but my best self.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**watching Broly sleep
**taking care of a sick BFF
**dancing to honor a lady who turned 100 on Tuesday
**looking forward to a new year
**"Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
**glad to be done with Christmas shows

Reverb 10: Lessons learned

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I am very happy to say that I have learned a lot about myself this year. As the new year gets closer, I can only hope to take what I've learned forward.

I have learned that I have to do what is right for me, even if it hurts someone else.

I have learned that I have a lot of practicing to do if I want to be an amazing belly dancer.

I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.

I have learned the value of true friendship.

I have learned that I am crazy beautiful and that I am loved, regardless of my flaws.

I have learned that I love hard and fight for what I believe in.

I will take these lessons and move forward, toward a better self and better year. I am so thankful to have learned all of these things and more.

Reverb 10: A little help from my friends

Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I'm 27 years old and have never known the value of true and loving friendship until this year. They have pushed me, listen to me complain, comforted me when needed, let me be my crazy self, let me grow and learn but having my back the whole time. I have found the most amazing group of people to surround myself with. They think my obsession with Twitter and Facebook is funny (I heart social media hard!), they think I'm hilarious to watch football with (I yell, scream, jump up and down, do my little dance.....all at the TV; I get that from my dad), they take care of me when I'm sick (Wild Blue.....not for a very long time; just thinking out it makes my stomach turn), they let me sleep on their bathroom floor, we cheese out over photos, they let me say what's really on my mind, they encourage me, they let me know when I've taken it too far and when I'm being the drama lama. They let me be me. They are my family, my heartbeat, my life.

They love me unconditionally. They take all of me, even the not so nice parts. I could not ask for better people to be part of my life.

I love you all from the bottom of my heart, more than you will ever know.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reverb 10: 5 minutes

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

There is so much about this year I want to remember. I want to remember the nervousness before I stepped on stage for the first time in a very long time. I want to remember what an honor it was to audition and make troupe. I want to remember my first actual performance as a troupe member. Music stopping and starting, us finishing strong. I want to remember that I am a fighter, I fight for what I believe and love. I never give up. I want to remember her hugging me hen I told her it was over, letting me cry for 5 minutes then it was over. I want to remember how much I've found myself and lost myself at the same time. I want go remember the amazing friendships that I have. Helping my sister cook dinner and my pants getting ruined in my washer/dryer. I want to remember every good thing, and bad, for they have shaped me into the person I am today.

Reverb 10: Appreciate

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I have come to appreciate my friends more than ever. They have been there for me like never before. They have seen my happy, sad, angry, stressed, crazy. You name it, they've seen it. And still, they are here. I've come to appreciate their honesty and love. I don't know what I would do without them.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Reverb 10: Making it happen

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

I'm not the greatest at making things happen. I really should be, though. There is so much I need to get done. I need to find a new/better job. How am I making this happen? My friends are getting me interviews because I have given up. I know that's lame. It's high time I get my butt in gear. I need to make this happen.

I want to be a better dancer. Yeah, that requires practice. Me = dance slacker. I've even written about it. I want to be a better dancer. I need to make this happen.

I want to be better at a lot of things. I need to make them happen. I need to feel better about this.

Next year will be better.

Reverb 10: At one with my body

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

It happened by the fire. Drummers behind me. Fire in front. Me in the middle. That night, I danced like I was the only person there. Something wonderful grabbed me and didn't let go. I let it run through me and out through my dance. Hips shimming, body moving. I felt more alive then than ever. It's magic, and I love it.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Reverb 10: 11 Things

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been a little busy.

So here I go with eleven things I don't need in 2011:

1. Negativity: I think we can all say this. This includes things and people

2. Limits: I don't need to limit myself to anything. Those are just bad for you. You never know what you can do until you put your mind to it.

3. Worries: Especially over money. I'm going to try not to stress about it so much. That's no good for anyone, especially me.

4. Excuses: I'm tired of hearing them from myself and other people. I don't have time to deal with them so I won't.

5. Fake people: Enough said.

6. Working myself to the bone: I need more fun and relaxation in my life.

7. This cough that I've had for over a month.

8. Current job: I need someplace I can utilize my skills and learn new ones.

9. Junk food: I need to start eating healthier and living better.

10. Fear: of anything, especially the unknown.

11. Already taken care of.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**Amazing friends
**Soloing for the first time ever
**The energy in the room
**People who love me
**QT with people I love
**Belly dancing
**Drum class starting in January

Friday, December 10, 2010

Reverb 10: Wisdom

December 10: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

It has been about two weeks since I decided I had enough. It has been an amazing two weeks and even many more to come. I'm slowly returning to myself, to my happy place.

I was over it long before the breakup actually happened. To me, being single feels exactly like being in that relationship. We didn't do anything, we didn't go anywhere. There was no magic, no spark, no romance. It felt tired and weighed down. Nothing I did could save it.

We had that talk several times. He knew that if something didn't change, it was over. I knew he could see something was wrong but by that point, it was to late.

I hated hurting him, but I had to do it. I had to do what was best for me.

Reverb 10: Party

December 9: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

I know it's a day late but oh well. I'm kind of glad I didn't post yesterday. That way I can tell you about last night.

In case you don't know, I'm a belly dancer. Like for real. Last night, I danced solo for the first time in my life. It was something we had been working in all session. Last night was amazing. It turned into this great friend gathering. I was so nervous. I didn't start getting nervous until about 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Yeah, great timing nerves. Elaine and I got ready together, making sure we looked good and to keep our nerves in check. We arrive at the restaurant and say hello to our many friends. As the time go closer, we powered up, energy running through our veins. I step out into isle. My music wasn't queued up so I had to wait. More nerves. Katie yelled something out, I can't remember what it was. I told her I loved her. My music starts and something powerful took over. I danced like I had never danced before. I had to remember to slow down for the first part. The second part was upbeat and energetic. They clapped along to the music and it made me even more excited than I already was. Before I knew it, my song was over. It passed so fast. I chugged water as I watched my other amazing ladies dance. I have never been so thirsty. After the solos, we all danced. It turned into a belly dance party. I want to dance a lot more now. I love it so much.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Reverb 10: What makes me beautiful?

December 8: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I am beautiful. You are beautiful. I have heard "You are cute" so many times in the last week it's not funny. I will never leave the "cute" and "pretty" range.

I wad told today by a co-worker that my straight forward attitude makes me beautiful. How is that possible? I think my smile is pretty. I think it shines a lot brighter now.

What makes me beautiful are my experiences. What I have learned from them. My scars make me beautiful. They are proof that I have come through it. I am better because of them.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Reverb 10: Community

December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I never thought I would be part of any time of community. That changed this year. In August, I participated in VEDA, and we created a great community. I made new friends through vlogging every day. It was such a great experience. When VEDA was over, we tried to keep vlogging every day. Then November rolled around. I participated in NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. I have never written so much in one month, but I am so happy I did. I'm happy to be participating in Reverb 10. I'm happy to be writing again.

My friends are another huge part of community. We are this tight knit awesome group who have each others backs for anything. I would not be here without them and am so thankful we have one another.

I would like to get more involved in my local community in 2011. Hopefully, I can make that happen.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Reverb 10: Make

December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

When I read this, I laughed.

We were told we had to have a touch of plaid. Great, we thought. We went to the fabric store, bought a few yards each of plaid fabric. Excited to get started on our panel skirts, we headed to my apartment. That's where it gets interesting.

I had never sewn before. We put my moms sewing machine on my kitchen table, putting the thread where it goes. We cut our fabric, measuring each other. Pin where it needs it. We put the fabric on the sewing machine. Start to sew. Nothing happens. Trying again. Three more times. The bobbin comes undone. Try to get it back in. This continues for about thirty minutes. Oh, did I mention it was super hot in my apartment. Yeah, that's a completely different story. We finally give up and call our friend, Candice. She's magic. Seriously. She got the sewing machine working, showed us how to use it and stayed with us while we finished our panel skirts. I will always think about this when I hear the word plaid.

Reverb 10: Let Go

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I'm a day late in posting this. Oh well.

Let go. Those are loaded words. So much easier said than done. This year was a big let go year for me.

I let go of a toxic relationship. It was bad for me. There was no me, only him. More sad then happy, more nothing then something. I let go of not spending time on myself. I let go of myself.

It's sad to say I let myself go. Who does that? I really did that? I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize the woman looking back. How did it get this bad? I'm slowly working on getting me back.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Reverb 10: Wonder

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I wondered if I would ever really be able to do it. Would I ever really be able to break myself away from the toxic realtionship? Would I ever feel whole again? Would I find myself?

I did it, knowing it was the right decision for me. I needed to get out. I struggle every day to find myself. I look in the mirror and don't recongine myself. It sacres me that I've forgotten who I am. While I do find myself lonely at times, I also find myself filled with wonder. I'm proud that I was able to make such a hard decision. I'm excited about what my future holds. I'm thrilled to be living on my terms, even if I'm making them up as I go.

So, yeah, I am my own sense of wonder :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Reverb 10: Moment

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The butterflies in my stomach where so strong. I hadn't done this in so long. Had been practicing for weeks, getting all the moves and facial expressions down. Scared to death I was going to forget them. Practice that morning was nervous. Being watched by people far better than myself. My skirt felt so heavy in my hands, and I was scared beads where going to fall off my top.

I enter the dressing room that night, nervous as all hell. Watching everyone around me, putting their costumes out ad getting ready. We all walk backstage, being as quiet as possible. The music starts and we shimmy onstage. OMG!!! I felt so alive up there. It felt like home. The nerves went away. I calmed down and finished strong. I looked and felt so comfortable up there.

I want to feel more of that.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Reverb 10: Writing

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I enjoy writing. I really do. There are many things that do not contribute to my writing. Some I can eliminate, others, I cannot.

I need to get out of my head. I write a little then walk away. I do something else to distract me from the physical act of writing. It's hard for me to sit still when I know I have to do something. That is why I am so thankful for my phone because I can now blog from it. Yay!!! I think I just need to actually do it. Sit down and write.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Reverb 10: One Word

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

December 1: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 word: change

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see me. I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

When I look back on this year, it has been a year of change. I met this year head on, this a boy by my side. I continued belly dancing. I was asked to join an amazing belly dace troupe. I lost myself. I let go of a toxic relationship. I danced. I sang. I wrote. I think the most important change I have experienced this year is finding an amazing group of friends. Seriously, my friends kick major butt. I could not ask for better people in my life. I am so thankful they are here.

2011 word: courage

2011 will hold great things for me, as well as you. I want to face if with the courage to venture out into the unknown. The courage to face my fears. The courage to love fully. The courage to stand up for myself. The courage to be myself.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Not feeling right

Yesterday was a lot.

Hung out with the best ladies in the world. We has a Disney movie today. Played with two very cute little boys. Man, kids are exhausting. Toward the end of the night, we did readings. Yeah, those where intense. I think I'm still drained.

Woke up this morning not feeling so great. The weather isn't helping. It's so gloomy. I have a contact appointment at 11 and a haircut appointment at 1.

I'm just not feeling all that great. I feel sad and alone. I have trouble filling up my time. This makes me want to work more. That's part of how I deal with things.

Today just doesn't feel right.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

On being a woman alone

It freaks me out to sleep by myself. I having done it in a very long time. I had a fabulous lunch with an amazing friend today. I love her. At lunch, we talked about our past relationships. I told her how it freaks me out to sleep alone. She said that it's probably because there's no a warm body next to mine. As sad as it is to say it, I think she's right. I'm sad that I failed as something, even though everyone tells me differently. I'm not use to being by myself. I'm not lonely, I'm alone. I need to learn to be alone again. I need to learn to trust myself again. I need to spend time on me. This is so much easier said than done, but I'm going to try. I know I am loved and that I am strong and can get through anything. I really do have an amazing support system behind me. I don't know where I would be without them. I love y'all.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Grace in Small Things

**my amazing support system
**no one telling me I was doing the wrong thing
**the ability to watch movies for free
**knowing that I am loved and cared for
**knowing that I am strong and can get through anything

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The end

I know I have been a slacker with the posting lately. There is a reason, though.

I ended my 3 yr. 4 mo. relationship last night.

It just wasn't working. We've been down this road before. It got to that point again where he was doing and saying nice things because he knew something was wrong. I felt like I gave and gave and never received anything in return. It felt like we were better friends than in a relationship.

It still hurts. Why do I feel like the bad guy? Why do I feel like people are judging me?

Monday, November 22, 2010

My weekend

I haven't posted in a few days. This weekend has left me all out of sorts. Work was entirely too boring, except for Saturday night. Like near tears boring. I slept most of the weekend.

My nanny made it through surgery on Friday. I went visit her yesterday. She's still in a lot of pain. After the visit, Hayley and I had the best coffee in the world (a.k.a Community Coffee), knit, talked then kidnapped our friend Katie. We went to the equivalent of a belly dance garage sale and I made off with some stuff. I never knew I looked good in orange/rust until yesterday. I came home and slept for about eleven to twelve hours.

So, that was my weekend. How about yours?

Oh, I'm super jealous of everyone who gets a three day work week. Lucky!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Grace in Small Things

**I had an amazing weekend with my amazing friends
**having something magical happen around the fire Saturday night
**dancing my solo piece for the first time Monday night
**having AMAZING friends, I really couldn't ask for better people in my life

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The truth

He touched the scar on my upper left arm. Asked for a story. I said no and went about my day.

Now I think it's time I share it with you.

I'm a cutter. Well, was a cutter. The last time I cut myself was June 24, 2007. My 24th birthday.

It was a high I couldn't get enough of. I craved it. I carried the razor blade with me everywhere. I was so blinded by it that I didn't realize I was very close to loosing everyone and everything I loved.

They found out by accident. My sister and I were horsing around as my mom was trying to take our picture. She turned my wrist over and that's when they saw it. My started crying, called the doctor, had to make sure I was in no danger of harming myself or others. She let me go to work. I remember her calling me on the way there, telling me I had to get help or she was going to have me committed (she had the right to do that as I was still under their insurance). I freaked out, pulled into a bank parking lot and cried my eyes out. I eventually made it to work, cried some more. It was off to the doctor for me. I was put on meds and went to a therapist. That lasted for about four months. Then the insurance ran out. Fun times, fun times. No more meds, no more therapy.

I struggle on a daily basis to keep myself in check. I talk about it a lot more now. My friends and family know that I need them. I cannot do this alone. I'm thankful they are there. If you, or anyone you know, is suffering from depression and/or thinking about suicide as an out, seek help IMMEDIATELY!!

That's my story.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I won a pair of socks!!

I won something!!
My wonderful friend Tabitha hosted a 'Sock it to me' giveaway.

I enetered this:
Sock it to me
That’s what she said
Sock it to me
Even in bed

Red socks
Blue socks
Big socks
As long as you sock it to me
I want them all

I know it's cheesy, but I'm so excited that I won a pair of socks! I can't wait to see them and show them to you. Thank you, Tabitha, for hosting such a fun giveaway :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My drug

I have been feeling down ever since we got home Sunday night.

It's like a drug. I can't get enough of it. That's why I'm a performer. I love what I do. I love how it makes me feel. It's a high. I always want more. There's not enough time in the day. I want to do it all the time.

It's my drug.

Monday, November 15, 2010

LARF 2010

So, as promised from the weekend, here are a few pictures and recap.

We woke up around six Saturday morning, got ready and started on the road to Hammond. We weren't even out of Lafayette before the fun started. I decided it would be a great idea to pluck my eyebrows in the car. Yeah, not so much. We stop for coffee. I get out of the car, doors lock and door close before I realize my glasses where not on my face. Yeah, I left them in the car. Thankfully, I'm a coffee addict and know the menu so I don't have to look at anything haha.

We get to Hammond with no problems. Here's a picture of how excited I am to be there:

We walk in the gate and are immediately asked if we are belly dancers and take a picture with this lovely gentleman:

While he is telling us about another belly dancer that will be in the area the following weekend, Creepy Bald Guy walks up. He tries talking to us. No big deal, right? Wrong! CBG follows us around ALL DAY. He even found us on Sunday. Thankfully, we had our protector there:

We where stopped multi times throughout the next two days for pictures with random people. We got free henna:

We danced with live drummers and awesome dancers:

This is a photo of out group near days end on Sunday. It rained, but we still had a wonderful time.

If you ever get a chance to go to a Renissance Festival, GO!! Seriously, I had a wonderful time and some very much needed bonding time with my amazing friends.
Oh, here's another story for you: at the end of the day Saturday, we were invited back to the camp grounds for a drum circle. I've never been to one and was excited to go. After getting food while getting lost on the way to the hotel, we make it back to the camp site. It's a huge fire pit in the woods. If you've never been to one of those, you have to go. We danced around the fire to live drummers. I even zilled. It was amazing. I also grabbed Cort's drum and started playing, having never drummed before. Something happened to me out there that I can describe. I was shimmying, rasing zills over head. I felt something inside I have never felt before. I'm so grateful for it. I'm just sad we had to leave because of Crazy Tamborine Lady. She kept coming up to the drummers and yelling at them, telling them that they were embrassing her and stuff. She was rather annoying. As we were leaving, she was getting fussed at. So, as you can see, we had our share of crazy for the weekend, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I had an amzing time with my awesome friends.
What did you do this weekend?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sneak, Part 2

So, I'm back home after a fantastic weekend. I'll leave you with this:

Stories and more pictures to come tomorrow. Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

A sneak :)

I'm writing this on the way back to the hotel. I'll leave you with this:

More to come later. Happy Saturday.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**Going to LARF this weekend with my ladies!!!
**Dancing to live drummers for the first time ever this weekend
**Started working on my sister Christmas present
**Learning how to make a roux from scratch on Monday
**Peppermint white mochas

Thursday, November 11, 2010

LARF and fairy wings

On time today!!! Woohoo!! Haha.

Work was so slow today. We were close to climbing the walls we were so bored. I'm super excited for this weekend. I'm going to RenFest!!!! I'm going go dress up like a gypsy and dance my little heart out. I get to buy fairy wings!!!! Super excited. I can't wait to tell you all about it. You should follow me on Twitter to see pics from the weekend.

The one for my friends <3

Man, this post is like an hour too late :( I fail again. Still posting as it where Wednesday because I haven't gone to sleep so it counts. Yes, it does. Don't question it.

I'm going to talk about friends. Ya know, those people who are just all around awesome. Yeah, them. Growing up, I didn't really have many friends, most in part because they or us moved, later in part because I didn't want to bother.

Now that I'm "grown up", whatever that means ,I am just starting to find out what friends are. I'm 27 years old. You'd think I know this, right? Well, not really.

I've just recently learned that I do have people in my life, besides my family and the boy, whom I can turn to. People I can be myself around, who will let me know when I've gone too far, when I've gone crazy and need to take a step back. There are people that I cry those snot cries, ya know where you're cry so hard snot comes out your nose? Yeah, they've seen me like that. I'm sure you've had some too. There are people who will jump up and down with me when we are excited and giggle like little girls. People to talk writing, blogging, pictures and music with. So, yes, that even means people who read my blog and follow me on twitter and all that.

So, I thank you. Thank you for being my wonderful, amazing, oh so awesome, beyond words fantastic, friend. Thank you for teaching how to be a friend. Thank you for teaching me how to love and care for someone in the way only a friend knows how. I love you and so lucky and blessed to have you in my life.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm a dance slacker

I came across this post on Facebook by a very dear friend of mine, whom I love very much: Personal admission: If I'm ever going to improve as a dancer, I have to start practicing and dancing outside of classes. There. I said it. Now you all know I'm a dance-slacker.

That is me in a nutshell. Here I sit, not doing anything, when I could be dancing, improving, messing up and starting over. I still sit here. I feel like a horrible dancer only because I let myself feel that way. I freaked out in the car last week, crying and everything, because I felt like an inadequate dancer. Why? Me being me. As you all know, I was sick with past weekend (still have mucus in my chest and head) so I was unable to attend a double veil workshop I so badly wanted to attend. It made me super sad.

I'm just so scared to practice at home because I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong and there's no one there to tell me different. How am I to know?

I've think I've come a very long way in a year of bellydancing. Now, it's just to improve upon it, make it better, keep it going.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Maybe I'm just stupid....or desperate

I must be really stupid. Maybe desperate. I missed a lot of work this weekend because I was sick. I still am. Ask me what I'm doing at work? Making up the hours I missed, I'll tell you. The boy was up at six with a very bad stomach ache and stuff coming out of both ends. He was suppose to work today. Me, being the stupid/desperate person I am, decided to take his shift. My mom and sister were suppose to come see Due Date, which I have already seen. Well, they invited me to lunch instead. My sister jumped my case when she found out I was working. This isn't the first time I've taken his shifts and ruined plans with them. I'm still sick. My sister's mad because she thinks I let him walk all over me and also because my body isn't properly recovering. I'll never get better.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Missed a day

I failed already :( The reason I didn't post yesterday is because I was in bed all day, very sick. So sick in fact, that I had to miss a belly dace workshop I had already paid for. I spent all of yesterday in a Nyquil coma. It was so bad on Friday that I spent the majority of the night communicating with customers on paper. It hurt to much to talk. I'm feeling a little better today, still a little loopy from the Nyquil probably. I think it's from the weather change. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**Tea and honey
**Ramen noodles
**Oversized comfy sweatshirts
**My dogs that cuddle with me when I go to bed
**Orange juice

Thursday, November 4, 2010

This writing thing

So, yeah, as I mentioned on Monday, I'm participating in NaNoWriMo. I have to tell you now, I was crazy to do so. Yeah, that's right, CRAZY!!

I let someone talk me into this. Really, I did. So, I have no one to blame but myself. I'm 5,000 words in and ready to call it quits, but I'm not going to. I am having fun writing and coming up with ideas. It's just finding the time to actually do it. There's so much else going on right now so to find tine to write is hard. I make myself do it everyday.

I now see why it takes people so long to wrote a book.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Maybe I'll get it one day

Yesterday, the suggested topic was to write about a piece of jewelry that was important to you and the story behind that. Well, I'm going to write about that but not. See, I don't own the piece of jewelry I'm talking about. I've never even seen it. But, it's still special to me.

The year I was going to turn thirteen, my maw maw, my mom's mom, passed away. Oh, from those of you not from southern Louisiana, maw maw is what you would call your grandmother. Well, my birthday is in June. She passed away in January. I remember talking to her maybe about a were before she passed, and she told me she was going to get me a silver ring with my birthstone in it (pearl, I think). I was excited because she was going to buy it for. She said it signified me becoming a teenager or something like that. When she passed away, all I could think about was that ring and how I would never receive it. I don't tell many people about this. The ring has since become a symbol of my maw maw's love for me. Every time I think about it, I think about her. Hopefully, some day, I'll get that ring.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

How do you know when it's real?

OMG!! I'm posting two days in a row! That's like a record for me or something lol. Today's post in brought to you from a baby shower invite. Yes, that's right. A baby shower invite.

I received this invite a few weeks ago. It was sent to me by two friends who are hosting it for another friend of ours. I cannot attend the shower because of a prior commitment (LA RenFest!!). I had wanted to knit them a baby blanket but now really don't want to. I have tried to keep in touch with friends I had in college. I was (not sure if I still am) part of Sigma Alpha Iota in college. It's the International Music for Women. I am super happy I did it. I made amazing friends through it. I just don't understand how someone can say that they haven't seen me in a long time and say we should get together for coffee but never make any plans. People that were once important in my life, really aren't anymore. Why invite me to a baby shower if you don't keep in touch with me and have no intention to? I'm just confused by this whole thing.

Monday, November 1, 2010

It's that time of year

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It's NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month. We post something every day, for an entire month. I think this will be good for me because I feel I've been behind on blogging. I'm am also participating in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I've never done either of these before so we will see how it goes.

It stumps me sometimes about what to write about. I post Grace in Small Things every Friday, so that's something. You should do it. It's good to look at the small things in life.

I have a question. When did November sneak up on us? Like really? That means it's almost December. Speaking of November and December, I should let you know that I really don't like the holidays. Where I work, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the busiest days of the year. I can't wait until we hit Jan. 1, 2011. That means the holidays are over for a little while....Yay!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Long road home

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

There's that saying 'Home is where the heart is'. Well, I've been thinking about home a lot. Growing up, my dad was in Army. That meant we moved every three to four years. I remember my dad leaving for Germany when I was about 5 or so. We had to stay in the States until it was cleared for us to go over. I remember the day the moving can took our stuff sway. The house looked so empty but held so many memories for me, even at 5. I remember watching Freddie in the living room, not being scared. Now, I can't sit through a scary movie. The last one I watched was 1408, and I almost broke the boys hand. I remember when my sister was born, how we lived in the white upstairs apartment and the moved to the blue and yellow house. I remember trying to help feed her. I also remember getting a screw stuck in her leg from putting her in a high chair. In Germany, we lived in a split level house. Our landlords lived on top, us on bottom. Everyone around us was German lol. We had the best neighbors. When I graduated high school, I received a card from the lady that lived right next to us. They were the grandparents we didn't have. I'm so thankful they were part of our lives. I remember sledding down the huge hill off of Farmers Hill and getting stuck in the snow bank of the other side of the road. Moving back to the States, we lived on Base. I look back at that house and it's such a mix of emotions. In this house, I sprained my ankle for the first time, found out my grandmaw passed away and my grandpaw has a stroke. I see this house as the bad house. Still, I do have good memories. I loved watching the seasons change. That is way Fall is my favorite. My dad feeding squirrels on our back porch. Then my dad got hurt and we moved for the last time.

I really didn't make a lot of friends growing up because we, as well as everyone we knew, moved. By 7th grade, I was tired of making friends. I remember sitting at the dinning room table crying to my mom because we had to move....again. I remember asking why couldn't we just stay? When me moved to LA, I was the odd kid. I wore black nail polish and my hair was short. Kids weren't quiet back it, either. It didn't really bother me at first. It wasn't that hard making friends because I was in band and, later, chorus. I wanted friends but, at the same time, didn't. I just let it happen. I wasn't really close to anyone. I guess that why I want to fit in so bad now, but part of me is okay with being a loner. It's like I've been one all my life.

When I got the chance to do VEDA, I was excited. I thought I would make new friends, get more blog readers and vlog watchers. I loved doing VEDA. It was so much fun. Then VEDA ended. I tried keeping in touch with everyone. They just seem to have gone off without me. I sort of feel like I'm not wanted. I know that sounds silly. I guess I need to do more.

I've had this urge to leave for a while. To try something new, live in a new place. But part of me doesn't. I'm not sure it will ever happen. Part of me wonders if I'll ever feel at home.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 7

This week:
**Knitting and TV time
**Signing up for the double veil workshop
**NaNoWriMo starts Monday....I'm doing it for the first time ever
**Forced to do my combo in class

Friday, October 22, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 6

**Buying Where The Wild Things Are (the book) for my cousin for her birthday
**Spending time with my family
on Sunday
**Able to be honest about what's going on inside
**Thinking about the military
**Belly dance

I know it's not much but it's something. Where did you find your grace?

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States

Monday, October 18, 2010

Didn't think this stuff actually happened

We walked into an already crowded store. We knew we where going to have to wait. That was okay. We talk up to counter and order one pepperoni and one cheese pizza. We pay in cash. She doesn't have the change in her register to give us. I can understand running out of change when you are busy. What bothers me is that she put the change on the counter and proceeds to count out what she has, giving anyone the chance to take money from her drawer, which was still open. That's crazy! She tells us it's going to be 9 minutes. Even I could see it was going to be longer than that. Why not tell us it would be a 10-15 minute wait? Okay, no big deal. We wait and wait and wait. A pepperoni pizza had just come out of the oven. She asks the lobby full of people who order a pepperoni pizza. My boyfriend steps forward fro where we were standing and said we did. Some lady who walked about ten minutes after we did raises her hand as well. The lady hands our pizza to this lady. That's so messed up. I know we ordered two pizzas. We had to wait 10 extra minutes to get out pizzas. They really need to get their stuff straight.

Random thoughts for today

Cigarettes. They smell like family.

One guy yells about abuse. His mother saying yes. Him getting blamed.

Another calls to see if she's okay.

Blue, purple and pink sky. Feels like home.

I wish you could see my insides. They are screaming at me. I want to scream back. Tell them to shut up.

I'm whole yet so broken.

Location:Camellia Blvd,Lafayette,United States

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake

Last Sunday, I had much needed time with my ladies. We haven't spent time together in so long. We had cream cheese, spinach and feta crescent rolls, Korean beef and chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake. I received the recipe from my lovely friend Erica (@LovelyAnamoly on Twitter).

I will now share with you the recipe for the cake. You should make it!


1 2/3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 cup canned pumpkin (but I’d use more)
1/2 cup melted butter
1 cup dark chocolate chips


Mix all the dry ingredients

Add the eggs and melted butter; mix

Add pumpkin and mix well; I used a little over half the can

Add the chocolate chips and mix; I used over half the bag

Pour into 2 greased loaf pans (or you can use one 9x13 greased pan) and bake at 350 degrees

Because I used more pumpkin, I baked it about 30-35 minutes; bake for 20-25 minutes if just using one cup of pumpkin

You can put cream cheese icing on it, if you like. We though it was so good we didn't use it, but I will have to try it next time.

This is what it looks like when done:

I hope you all make this and enjoy it as much as we did!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 5

**Spending time with my ladies on Sunday night
**Skype date with M and ladies on Sunday night...we cooked and danced and baked
**Talking with H about very deep stuff
**Starting to open up more
**Baking pear muffins and pumpkin bread with E
**Pumpkin spice lattes
**Feeling a little strong every day
**Nice customers and my regulars making my day
**Possibly buying my own domain