Saturday, October 30, 2010

Long road home

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

There's that saying 'Home is where the heart is'. Well, I've been thinking about home a lot. Growing up, my dad was in Army. That meant we moved every three to four years. I remember my dad leaving for Germany when I was about 5 or so. We had to stay in the States until it was cleared for us to go over. I remember the day the moving can took our stuff sway. The house looked so empty but held so many memories for me, even at 5. I remember watching Freddie in the living room, not being scared. Now, I can't sit through a scary movie. The last one I watched was 1408, and I almost broke the boys hand. I remember when my sister was born, how we lived in the white upstairs apartment and the moved to the blue and yellow house. I remember trying to help feed her. I also remember getting a screw stuck in her leg from putting her in a high chair. In Germany, we lived in a split level house. Our landlords lived on top, us on bottom. Everyone around us was German lol. We had the best neighbors. When I graduated high school, I received a card from the lady that lived right next to us. They were the grandparents we didn't have. I'm so thankful they were part of our lives. I remember sledding down the huge hill off of Farmers Hill and getting stuck in the snow bank of the other side of the road. Moving back to the States, we lived on Base. I look back at that house and it's such a mix of emotions. In this house, I sprained my ankle for the first time, found out my grandmaw passed away and my grandpaw has a stroke. I see this house as the bad house. Still, I do have good memories. I loved watching the seasons change. That is way Fall is my favorite. My dad feeding squirrels on our back porch. Then my dad got hurt and we moved for the last time.

I really didn't make a lot of friends growing up because we, as well as everyone we knew, moved. By 7th grade, I was tired of making friends. I remember sitting at the dinning room table crying to my mom because we had to move....again. I remember asking why couldn't we just stay? When me moved to LA, I was the odd kid. I wore black nail polish and my hair was short. Kids weren't quiet back it, either. It didn't really bother me at first. It wasn't that hard making friends because I was in band and, later, chorus. I wanted friends but, at the same time, didn't. I just let it happen. I wasn't really close to anyone. I guess that why I want to fit in so bad now, but part of me is okay with being a loner. It's like I've been one all my life.

When I got the chance to do VEDA, I was excited. I thought I would make new friends, get more blog readers and vlog watchers. I loved doing VEDA. It was so much fun. Then VEDA ended. I tried keeping in touch with everyone. They just seem to have gone off without me. I sort of feel like I'm not wanted. I know that sounds silly. I guess I need to do more.

I've had this urge to leave for a while. To try something new, live in a new place. But part of me doesn't. I'm not sure it will ever happen. Part of me wonders if I'll ever feel at home.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 7

This week:
**Knitting and TV time
**Signing up for the double veil workshop
**NaNoWriMo starts Monday....I'm doing it for the first time ever
**Forced to do my combo in class

Friday, October 22, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 6

**Buying Where The Wild Things Are (the book) for my cousin for her birthday
**Spending time with my family
on Sunday
**Able to be honest about what's going on inside
**Thinking about the military
**Belly dance

I know it's not much but it's something. Where did you find your grace?

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States

Monday, October 18, 2010

Didn't think this stuff actually happened

We walked into an already crowded store. We knew we where going to have to wait. That was okay. We talk up to counter and order one pepperoni and one cheese pizza. We pay in cash. She doesn't have the change in her register to give us. I can understand running out of change when you are busy. What bothers me is that she put the change on the counter and proceeds to count out what she has, giving anyone the chance to take money from her drawer, which was still open. That's crazy! She tells us it's going to be 9 minutes. Even I could see it was going to be longer than that. Why not tell us it would be a 10-15 minute wait? Okay, no big deal. We wait and wait and wait. A pepperoni pizza had just come out of the oven. She asks the lobby full of people who order a pepperoni pizza. My boyfriend steps forward fro where we were standing and said we did. Some lady who walked about ten minutes after we did raises her hand as well. The lady hands our pizza to this lady. That's so messed up. I know we ordered two pizzas. We had to wait 10 extra minutes to get out pizzas. They really need to get their stuff straight.

Random thoughts for today

Cigarettes. They smell like family.

One guy yells about abuse. His mother saying yes. Him getting blamed.

Another calls to see if she's okay.

Blue, purple and pink sky. Feels like home.

I wish you could see my insides. They are screaming at me. I want to scream back. Tell them to shut up.

I'm whole yet so broken.

Location:Camellia Blvd,Lafayette,United States

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake

Last Sunday, I had much needed time with my ladies. We haven't spent time together in so long. We had cream cheese, spinach and feta crescent rolls, Korean beef and chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake. I received the recipe from my lovely friend Erica (@LovelyAnamoly on Twitter).

I will now share with you the recipe for the cake. You should make it!


1 2/3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 cup canned pumpkin (but I’d use more)
1/2 cup melted butter
1 cup dark chocolate chips


Mix all the dry ingredients

Add the eggs and melted butter; mix

Add pumpkin and mix well; I used a little over half the can

Add the chocolate chips and mix; I used over half the bag

Pour into 2 greased loaf pans (or you can use one 9x13 greased pan) and bake at 350 degrees

Because I used more pumpkin, I baked it about 30-35 minutes; bake for 20-25 minutes if just using one cup of pumpkin

You can put cream cheese icing on it, if you like. We though it was so good we didn't use it, but I will have to try it next time.

This is what it looks like when done:

I hope you all make this and enjoy it as much as we did!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 5

**Spending time with my ladies on Sunday night
**Skype date with M and ladies on Sunday night...we cooked and danced and baked
**Talking with H about very deep stuff
**Starting to open up more
**Baking pear muffins and pumpkin bread with E
**Pumpkin spice lattes
**Feeling a little strong every day
**Nice customers and my regulars making my day
**Possibly buying my own domain

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Something different

So, I've been thinking for a while now about buying my win domain and starting over with my blog. I really want to learn web design and experiment with it on my site. If I do this, I don't think I'll transfer my old blog to the new one. I want this new blog to really be about me. I would also like it to house my hopefully-one-day craft shop.

The problem I'm facing right now is decided who to go with for hosting as well as finding a domain name. I don't want future employers to find this and not hire me (same goes with grad schools).

So, any advice? Suggestions? Help?

Friday, October 8, 2010

Grace in Small Things, Week 4

***Stole this banner from Nora***

*Today is pay day
*The weather has been wonderful
*Secretariat and Life As We Know It come out this weekend
*My sister moved out of our parents house this week
*Spending time cuddling with my dogs in the morning
*Not breaking down when I was really low
*Hearing from people who received cards I sent; it makes me smile :)

Location:Oak Park Dr,Lafayette,United States

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Gender Roles

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of October, we’ve chosen to write about Gender Roles. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.

If you don't know, my dad was in the Army when I was growing up. That means he was gone a lot. That also means that my mom was the disciplinarian and rule maker. She was the one who punished us when we did something bad. She was the first to say  'No' if  she didn't want us to do something. Our dad sent us to her to 'make sure it was okay' and not the other way around.

Living in the South, men are called 'Sir', while ladies are called 'sweetheart' and 'babe'. It's still okay for men to think that their 'woman' should cook and clean while the men watch football or do nothing at all.

Watching my mom growing up, I can see where I get some things. For one, I'm a leader. Even when dancing, I have to lead. I like to tell it like it is. I don't take crap from anyone. I'm not sure I would have learned these things had my dad been home. I find that, although my mom took on both parent roles sometimes, I'm happy to say that I'm that girl who knows how to be strong.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Grace in Little Things, Week 3

Grateful for this week:
1. This awesome Fall like weather we've been having. Yay Fall!! Keep it up :)
2. My body hasn't given up on me completely
3. I'm getting back into vlogging, even if it is a few days late
4. I'm able to express how I feel at any moment in writing
5. Those who read my blog
6. I'm going to start making my combo for Tribal
7. Belly dancing <3

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States