Friday, December 31, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This is the last Grace in Small Things of 2010. So, this week:
**My friends
**Quality time
**Walks in the morning
**Ice cream
**The end of 2010

Reverb 10: At my core

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

At my core: I am stronger than I though I was. I have an amazing support system. I am worth it. I am loved. I can do anything I put my mind to. I am amazing.

Reverb 10: Gift

Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

The most memorable gift I received this year was the gift of freedom. The gift to be who I really am. The gift of amazing friends. I could not have asked for a better gift this year.

Reverb 10: Defining moment

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I think my defining moment for 2010 was my breakup. I know I talk about it a lot. I feel like I not only broke up with him but also with a version of myself I didn't recognize. I feel like I lost myself. I need to take time for me and reconnect with myself. I know it will take time, but I know I will get there.

Reverb 10: Believe to achieve

Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I need to get off my butt. I need to do so much. I just need to move. I need to get a new job. I need to stop being lazy. I just need to do. I think I'll just keep moving forward. I'm scared I'll never feel complete. I need to believe in myself.

Reverb 10: Oh so oridnary

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

The sun isn't up yet, but he's ready to go. He knows we can't go anywhere until he has the leash on. Once he sits down, it goes on and off we go. We live right across the street from a park so walks are easy. I enjoy being outside, just the two of us. I feel peaceful and ready to start the day. So ordinary.

Reverb 10: Soul Food

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

This one was tough for me. I cannot think of anything I ate that really touched me. I really hope to start cooking and exploring food more in 2011. Food is such an important part of where I live.

Reverb 10: A photo is word a thousand words

Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I took this photo right after I got my hair done. I also got contacts that day. It was a new beginning for me. I strive to me, always better, always learning.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Reverb 10: Everything is OK

Prompt: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Nov. 24, 2010 at about 7 pm. She opened the door, and I sort of tackle hugged/fell into her arms. She let me cry in her shoulder for five minutes. That was really all I needed. I looked around the room, into the faces of people who are now family, and knew that I was going to be okay. No one said it was easy, they just said it would be worth it.

Reverb 10: What's in a name?

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

heath·er [heth-er]
1. any of various heaths, esp. Calluna vulgaris, of England and Scotland, having small, pinkish-purple flowers.
2. (of a yarn or fabric color) subtly flecked or mottled: all-cotton turtlenecks in your choice of five solid colors plus heather gray and heather green.
[Origin: 1300–50; sp. var. of hether, earlier hedder, hadder, hather, ME hathir; akin to heath]

—Related forms
heathered, adjective

That is what my name means. I tell people I'm named after a shrub. Growing up, I knew lots of girls with my name. I hated it. When there was more then one of us together, it was confusing because you had to figure out who they were talking to. Over the years, I have grown to like my name. Not love, just like.

Enter belly dancing. Heather is not the most exotic stage name out there so I won't be using it. This has been a topic of discussion since solo night. I don't have a stage name and am having a hard time coming up with one. I want something that stands out and embraces me, not only as a dancer, but as a person. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Reverb 10: Travel

Prompt: Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

I didn't do much traveling in 2010, unless you count going to RenFest traveling, which I do. It was like a mini vacation. So much fun. I would love to travel more in 2011. I need to stop saying I want things to happen and actually make them happen. I want to make for time for travel in 2011. Let's see if I can actually make it happen.

Reverb 10: Past and future

Prompt: Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Dear future me-
Take time for those who matter. Love with all your heart. Forgive freely. Stop worrying so much and just do. Work will always be there. You need to live. Don't regret decisions you have made; they have made you into the person you are. Tell people you love them all the time. Take time for yourself; go the movies, eat dinner, just be. I hope you have figured out who you are and love her. Stop beating yourself up. Life happens. Let it happen and love the journey. It's not about the destination.


Dear younger self-
There are people in your life who love you more than anything. Turn to them. They will be there for you. Learn to love yourself. Learn when to shut up. I know a lot has happened to you but you are so much stronger for it. You have made your own family. It's okay to take time off of work. It will always be there. You will grow up to be headstrong and very giving. It's okay to take time for yourself. You will need it.


Reverb 10: Avoiding things

Prompt: Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Well, I didn't go to RenFest like I wanted every weekend because of work. I still haven't left me job because I'm scared I won't find another one. There aren't many things I didn't do this year. That's good, right?

Reverb 10: Healing

Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

My healing this year was slow and steady. I'm still going at it. I'm still healing from a broken relationship. It was nothing we both did, it just wasn't working. I'm still trying to find myself and am having fun doing so.

I would like to go into 2011 knowing that I learned from my mistakes and taking those lessons with me.

Reverb 10: Try

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

This is short and sweet: I'm going to try to be a better version of myself in 2011. I have no other choice but to be better than what I am right now. I have to much life to live to anything but my best self.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**watching Broly sleep
**taking care of a sick BFF
**dancing to honor a lady who turned 100 on Tuesday
**looking forward to a new year
**"Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
**glad to be done with Christmas shows

Reverb 10: Lessons learned

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I am very happy to say that I have learned a lot about myself this year. As the new year gets closer, I can only hope to take what I've learned forward.

I have learned that I have to do what is right for me, even if it hurts someone else.

I have learned that I have a lot of practicing to do if I want to be an amazing belly dancer.

I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.

I have learned the value of true friendship.

I have learned that I am crazy beautiful and that I am loved, regardless of my flaws.

I have learned that I love hard and fight for what I believe in.

I will take these lessons and move forward, toward a better self and better year. I am so thankful to have learned all of these things and more.

Reverb 10: A little help from my friends

Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I'm 27 years old and have never known the value of true and loving friendship until this year. They have pushed me, listen to me complain, comforted me when needed, let me be my crazy self, let me grow and learn but having my back the whole time. I have found the most amazing group of people to surround myself with. They think my obsession with Twitter and Facebook is funny (I heart social media hard!), they think I'm hilarious to watch football with (I yell, scream, jump up and down, do my little dance.....all at the TV; I get that from my dad), they take care of me when I'm sick (Wild Blue.....not for a very long time; just thinking out it makes my stomach turn), they let me sleep on their bathroom floor, we cheese out over photos, they let me say what's really on my mind, they encourage me, they let me know when I've taken it too far and when I'm being the drama lama. They let me be me. They are my family, my heartbeat, my life.

They love me unconditionally. They take all of me, even the not so nice parts. I could not ask for better people to be part of my life.

I love you all from the bottom of my heart, more than you will ever know.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reverb 10: 5 minutes

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

There is so much about this year I want to remember. I want to remember the nervousness before I stepped on stage for the first time in a very long time. I want to remember what an honor it was to audition and make troupe. I want to remember my first actual performance as a troupe member. Music stopping and starting, us finishing strong. I want to remember that I am a fighter, I fight for what I believe and love. I never give up. I want to remember her hugging me hen I told her it was over, letting me cry for 5 minutes then it was over. I want to remember how much I've found myself and lost myself at the same time. I want go remember the amazing friendships that I have. Helping my sister cook dinner and my pants getting ruined in my washer/dryer. I want to remember every good thing, and bad, for they have shaped me into the person I am today.

Reverb 10: Appreciate

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I have come to appreciate my friends more than ever. They have been there for me like never before. They have seen my happy, sad, angry, stressed, crazy. You name it, they've seen it. And still, they are here. I've come to appreciate their honesty and love. I don't know what I would do without them.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Reverb 10: Making it happen

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

I'm not the greatest at making things happen. I really should be, though. There is so much I need to get done. I need to find a new/better job. How am I making this happen? My friends are getting me interviews because I have given up. I know that's lame. It's high time I get my butt in gear. I need to make this happen.

I want to be a better dancer. Yeah, that requires practice. Me = dance slacker. I've even written about it. I want to be a better dancer. I need to make this happen.

I want to be better at a lot of things. I need to make them happen. I need to feel better about this.

Next year will be better.

Reverb 10: At one with my body

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

It happened by the fire. Drummers behind me. Fire in front. Me in the middle. That night, I danced like I was the only person there. Something wonderful grabbed me and didn't let go. I let it run through me and out through my dance. Hips shimming, body moving. I felt more alive then than ever. It's magic, and I love it.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Reverb 10: 11 Things

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been a little busy.

So here I go with eleven things I don't need in 2011:

1. Negativity: I think we can all say this. This includes things and people

2. Limits: I don't need to limit myself to anything. Those are just bad for you. You never know what you can do until you put your mind to it.

3. Worries: Especially over money. I'm going to try not to stress about it so much. That's no good for anyone, especially me.

4. Excuses: I'm tired of hearing them from myself and other people. I don't have time to deal with them so I won't.

5. Fake people: Enough said.

6. Working myself to the bone: I need more fun and relaxation in my life.

7. This cough that I've had for over a month.

8. Current job: I need someplace I can utilize my skills and learn new ones.

9. Junk food: I need to start eating healthier and living better.

10. Fear: of anything, especially the unknown.

11. Already taken care of.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Grace in Small Things

This week:
**Amazing friends
**Soloing for the first time ever
**The energy in the room
**People who love me
**QT with people I love
**Belly dancing
**Drum class starting in January

Friday, December 10, 2010

Reverb 10: Wisdom

December 10: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

It has been about two weeks since I decided I had enough. It has been an amazing two weeks and even many more to come. I'm slowly returning to myself, to my happy place.

I was over it long before the breakup actually happened. To me, being single feels exactly like being in that relationship. We didn't do anything, we didn't go anywhere. There was no magic, no spark, no romance. It felt tired and weighed down. Nothing I did could save it.

We had that talk several times. He knew that if something didn't change, it was over. I knew he could see something was wrong but by that point, it was to late.

I hated hurting him, but I had to do it. I had to do what was best for me.

Reverb 10: Party

December 9: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

I know it's a day late but oh well. I'm kind of glad I didn't post yesterday. That way I can tell you about last night.

In case you don't know, I'm a belly dancer. Like for real. Last night, I danced solo for the first time in my life. It was something we had been working in all session. Last night was amazing. It turned into this great friend gathering. I was so nervous. I didn't start getting nervous until about 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Yeah, great timing nerves. Elaine and I got ready together, making sure we looked good and to keep our nerves in check. We arrive at the restaurant and say hello to our many friends. As the time go closer, we powered up, energy running through our veins. I step out into isle. My music wasn't queued up so I had to wait. More nerves. Katie yelled something out, I can't remember what it was. I told her I loved her. My music starts and something powerful took over. I danced like I had never danced before. I had to remember to slow down for the first part. The second part was upbeat and energetic. They clapped along to the music and it made me even more excited than I already was. Before I knew it, my song was over. It passed so fast. I chugged water as I watched my other amazing ladies dance. I have never been so thirsty. After the solos, we all danced. It turned into a belly dance party. I want to dance a lot more now. I love it so much.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Reverb 10: What makes me beautiful?

December 8: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I am beautiful. You are beautiful. I have heard "You are cute" so many times in the last week it's not funny. I will never leave the "cute" and "pretty" range.

I wad told today by a co-worker that my straight forward attitude makes me beautiful. How is that possible? I think my smile is pretty. I think it shines a lot brighter now.

What makes me beautiful are my experiences. What I have learned from them. My scars make me beautiful. They are proof that I have come through it. I am better because of them.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Reverb 10: Community

December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I never thought I would be part of any time of community. That changed this year. In August, I participated in VEDA, and we created a great community. I made new friends through vlogging every day. It was such a great experience. When VEDA was over, we tried to keep vlogging every day. Then November rolled around. I participated in NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. I have never written so much in one month, but I am so happy I did. I'm happy to be participating in Reverb 10. I'm happy to be writing again.

My friends are another huge part of community. We are this tight knit awesome group who have each others backs for anything. I would not be here without them and am so thankful we have one another.

I would like to get more involved in my local community in 2011. Hopefully, I can make that happen.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Reverb 10: Make

December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

When I read this, I laughed.

We were told we had to have a touch of plaid. Great, we thought. We went to the fabric store, bought a few yards each of plaid fabric. Excited to get started on our panel skirts, we headed to my apartment. That's where it gets interesting.

I had never sewn before. We put my moms sewing machine on my kitchen table, putting the thread where it goes. We cut our fabric, measuring each other. Pin where it needs it. We put the fabric on the sewing machine. Start to sew. Nothing happens. Trying again. Three more times. The bobbin comes undone. Try to get it back in. This continues for about thirty minutes. Oh, did I mention it was super hot in my apartment. Yeah, that's a completely different story. We finally give up and call our friend, Candice. She's magic. Seriously. She got the sewing machine working, showed us how to use it and stayed with us while we finished our panel skirts. I will always think about this when I hear the word plaid.

Reverb 10: Let Go

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I'm a day late in posting this. Oh well.

Let go. Those are loaded words. So much easier said than done. This year was a big let go year for me.

I let go of a toxic relationship. It was bad for me. There was no me, only him. More sad then happy, more nothing then something. I let go of not spending time on myself. I let go of myself.

It's sad to say I let myself go. Who does that? I really did that? I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize the woman looking back. How did it get this bad? I'm slowly working on getting me back.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Reverb 10: Wonder

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I wondered if I would ever really be able to do it. Would I ever really be able to break myself away from the toxic realtionship? Would I ever feel whole again? Would I find myself?

I did it, knowing it was the right decision for me. I needed to get out. I struggle every day to find myself. I look in the mirror and don't recongine myself. It sacres me that I've forgotten who I am. While I do find myself lonely at times, I also find myself filled with wonder. I'm proud that I was able to make such a hard decision. I'm excited about what my future holds. I'm thrilled to be living on my terms, even if I'm making them up as I go.

So, yeah, I am my own sense of wonder :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Reverb 10: Moment

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The butterflies in my stomach where so strong. I hadn't done this in so long. Had been practicing for weeks, getting all the moves and facial expressions down. Scared to death I was going to forget them. Practice that morning was nervous. Being watched by people far better than myself. My skirt felt so heavy in my hands, and I was scared beads where going to fall off my top.

I enter the dressing room that night, nervous as all hell. Watching everyone around me, putting their costumes out ad getting ready. We all walk backstage, being as quiet as possible. The music starts and we shimmy onstage. OMG!!! I felt so alive up there. It felt like home. The nerves went away. I calmed down and finished strong. I looked and felt so comfortable up there.

I want to feel more of that.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Reverb 10: Writing

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I enjoy writing. I really do. There are many things that do not contribute to my writing. Some I can eliminate, others, I cannot.

I need to get out of my head. I write a little then walk away. I do something else to distract me from the physical act of writing. It's hard for me to sit still when I know I have to do something. That is why I am so thankful for my phone because I can now blog from it. Yay!!! I think I just need to actually do it. Sit down and write.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Reverb 10: One Word

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

December 1: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 word: change

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see me. I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

When I look back on this year, it has been a year of change. I met this year head on, this a boy by my side. I continued belly dancing. I was asked to join an amazing belly dace troupe. I lost myself. I let go of a toxic relationship. I danced. I sang. I wrote. I think the most important change I have experienced this year is finding an amazing group of friends. Seriously, my friends kick major butt. I could not ask for better people in my life. I am so thankful they are here.

2011 word: courage

2011 will hold great things for me, as well as you. I want to face if with the courage to venture out into the unknown. The courage to face my fears. The courage to love fully. The courage to stand up for myself. The courage to be myself.