Time to do it

I've been pretty down on myself lately and it just don't seem to be going away. I really need it too. It's doing nothing good for me.

The bridesmaid dresses came in today. It has really got me thinkning about working out and getting in shape. My sister says that once the dress is fitted to me, it will look fine. I just really don't like the dress but there's nothing I can do about it. It's not my wedding haha.

I've been thinking about joining a gym or getting P90X. A customer, a guy at that, told me that it was really hard but that he was in shape after the 90 days. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice?

Something we all need to do

So, I'm at work reading O, The Oprah Magazine when I came to the very
last page entitled 'This I Know for Sure.' All throughout the
magazine, she has articles about decluttering and cleaning up your
life/job/home, ect. No joke, there's a lady that has over $30,000
worth of beauty products and supplies.....just crazy!!!

One of the things she talks about on this page is your relationship to
yourself, to others and to your emotional life. Basically, make
decisions that are good for you, don't have people in your life that
bring you down and have patterns in your life that serve you. Out with
the old, in with the new, as the old saying goes.

I look at this list, as well as at my life, and want to put them into
practice. I just can't help but think I'll be lonley. I keep coming
back to this and it makes me mad. Why should I live this way?

Back up it goes

The wall.

The one I built around myself to protect me from people like you.

People who talk about me behind my back. People who shares my secrets told in confidence. People I thought I could trust.

That's no way to live, you say.

I know.

I don't want to live this way. You force me to. I let you destroy my soul, my self worth, my amazing, wonderful self. You take it away, little by little, until there is nothing left. You are slowly breaking me down.

You are slowly destroying me.

The question is not why do you do it to me but why do I let you?

Why do I let you destroy me?

About her

I don't like the fact that she doesn't tell us stuff but she'll let Monica everything. They had such a great summer together. Where were we? I'm tried of being told "I don't want to talk about", though I know it's a person's right to talk (or not to talk) about whatever they want with whomever they want. I asked her to walk in the breast cancer walk months ago. Instead of walking with me, she's going to walk with Oasis, which is great. I just wish she would walked with me. When she found I was kknitting, she said she was happy I found a hobby I like, even though I picked up knitting after belly dancing. She makes me not want to dance anymore.

I hate telling someone something, telling them not to tell anyone then finding out they go and tell someone. I know I'm rambling. I just feel like crap.

Now I know what not to do when planning a wedding

This is starting to be a nightmare. I just don't want to do it anymore. She's in a completely different state trying to plan a wedding. We've emailed, texted, called...still getting nothing. It's really hard to get things together when the bride gives you nothing.

To anyone thinking of living in one state and getting married in another, DON'T DO IT.

Back story: she's living in Oklahoma with her fiance because he works there. All of their family and friends live in Louisiana so they are having the wedding here.

I'm so over weddings. I have a cousin that is getting married on April 9th. Only parents, grandparents and siblings are invited to the ceremony. She's having her reception on the 10th and is not even wearing her wedding dress to the reception. I won't be able to go to the reception (not that I wanted to) because that is the day of Monica's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I say, if you're going to have a super small wedding like that, get married somewhere you're whole family doesn't live.

Over it. Really. I don't think I ever want to get married.

My work

I think the blanket is coming along nicely. I'm hoping to finish it relatively soon. Pics to come soon.

I think I have ADD because I get bored with it very easily.

I'm thinking about opening my own etsy shop. What do you think?

Oh, anyone know how to get rid of a fever blister quickly? I need it gone by Monday (I'll hopefully tell you why tomorrow...)

Scared

Why are men so afraid of us?

I'm reading <i>I am an Emotional Creature</i> by Eve Ensler. Read it.

My friend T picked it up to see what I was reading and promptly put it back down. He saw the words Vagina Monologues. He said it was a "chick book". I wanted to punch him in the face.

I want to yell so loudly about our awesomeness, our power, our beauty. I want them to understand that we are women. Do not fear us.

It makes me angry when men belittle me, put me down, make fun of me when I tell them a feminist.

I don't want to speak to soon. I'm afraid I'm a fraud. I'm afraid to speak out for fear of not knowing what I am talking about. I don't want to look like a fool, but I want them to know they are wrong.

Why are they scared of us?

Book Whore

Hi, I'm a book whore.

Really. I am.

Coffee. Book. Knitting. They are my weaknesses. Don't ever ask me to give them up.

Today, I bought 5 books, even though I have books I haven't read yet. I don't don't know why I do it. Maybe I love books to much.

What are your weaknesses?

I needed to start two weeks ago

No, not what you're thinking at all.

I've decided to undertake a fairly large project.

I am making Monica and Lucas's wedding present. I have decided to knit them an afghan. A friend help me pick the pattern. It's going to be so pretty. I'm modify the pattern a little to make it more sturdy. Now, I'm just waiting on the yarn to come in. I also need to buy needles. I've using Lions Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn in sky blue and a size 13/36" needle. I can't wait to get started. The shower is scheduled for April 10 so this will be my focus for the month or so. If it comes out great, I might just make one for myself lol. I'll keep y'all updated on my progress.

So much for today

It occured to me a few weeks ago that I would be working Mardi Gras.....all day and night.

Yeah, fun, I know.

I guess people have nothing better to do than come to the movies today. Most businesses are closed. I wish I could say that I went to parades this year and partied with the rest of the Cajun population. Sadly, I did not. That's okay though. I didn't have to fight the streets for a parking spot or the dunkin' crowds for a good spot and maybe some beads. Maybe next year.

Now, let's talk about tomorrow. If you are Catholic, like I am, so begins the season on Lent. Yes, let's give up something we otherwise would not live without for 40 days in hopes it will makes us better people and bring us closer to God. That's Cathoics for ya!

I'm giving up ice cream and really going to start going to church. If you know me and ice cream, this may be hard for me. I could eat ice cream all the time. I've ate it for breakfast once. Yeah, so.....let's see what you eat when there's nothing else. Don't judge me! As far as the church things goes, I've wanted to go back to church for a while now. I don't really know what's been stopping me (okay, so maybe I do....sleeping and laziness have beaten me thus far).

What are you giving up?

Lovely card

Card
Originally uploaded by kissandhug83

That's the card that Hayley sent me. I love getting snail mail. Do you?

It just keeps coming

Man, I had this great post set up for today until something else came up.

I guess I'll get to what I wanted to talk about tomorrow.

Now, on to my story about what happened tonight at the mall...yeah, you heard me...the mall.

Victoria Secret, to be exact.

M came into town this weekend, and we all had a great time hanging out on Saturday. During the day, we went to the mall and shopped. I even bought stuff!! That never happens. I really needed bras so I bought two from Victria Secret. I tried them on at the store and they seemed to fit. I wore one to work last night. Bad idea. It ended up being too small. I kept having to fix it all night. So annoying!!

After work today, I figured I was going to return them and get a bigger size. I went back to Victoria Secret and asked to be fitted. The sales associate called someone else to help me because she was busy doing something else. I told the lady that did help me that I needed to be fitted. She then asked what size I thought I wore. I told her that the bra I had on was a 36DD. She looked at me and said they didn't carry any larger than that size in the store. She didn't offer any more help than that, not even the fitting I asked for. She didn't really seem to even want to help me. I got my refund and left the store. I went back to my car, after getting food, and cried. Just what I needed. So, I have no new bras, which I deperatly need, and still have no idea what size I am. I tried using the tape measurer but that didn't seem to come out right; there's no way I'm a B and my bust measured 41"...yeah, great.

Any advice on what to do?? I really need a new bra, like now!

Back to me

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. The Saints winning the Super Bowl just means great things are going to happen. One being I'm going to stick with this haha. Yeah, great things are going to happen.

On another note......

The weather down here is just down right ridiculous. Really???? It has to be cold, wet and rainy with a chance of sleet/snow??? Thanks, Mother Nature. That's just wrong to do to people in the south. I wish I were home right now. Instead, I'm at work. I like that I can post from anywhere, though.

For those of you who read this regularly (yay for you!!), I slept at my apartment last night!! I know that sounds silly to you, but it's sort of a big deal for me. When I moved into my apartment, I had full intentions of living there by myself, being me, doing my own thing. Well, that didn't work out like I had hoped. I started spending more and more time at the boyfriends house. It was just like I lived there. Wait, don't you have your own apartment, with your own bills and things, you ask??? Yeah, I do. I think I've gotten through to myself that I need to live at my place, that I don't need to be with him 24/7. I need to get back to me.

New

I would like a new look for my blog. Something clean, cheerful, cute, simple, fresh. I also need help making to flow better. It seems to cluttered to me.

Any advice?

Maybe I need one

I like watching Intervention on A&E. It just gets me how these people can mess their lives up so badly and their families help them. The episodes I've seen on television are usually about drug and/or alcohol. I've never seen one about any other addiction. I just happend to be scrolling through the episodes online when I came across one about shopping. This lady had over $100,000 in credit card debt and she also stole her mother's identity. How crazy is that? But, that's not what I want to write about tonight.

Last night, Cain and I made plans to go to Fat Pat's Bar and Grill for their $3 single hot dogs on Sunday. I was excited because we hadn't been there in a while. I was really hungry because I hadn't eaten since last night and by the time we got there it was around 2:30 (traffic was horrible). My stomach was A LOT bigger than my eyes. I wish they would communicate more often. I got two hot dogs and an order of sweet potato fries. WRONG WRONG WRONG. BAD DECISION. I felt horrible leaving the bar and I still feel a little full. But, I still want to eat. I'm not hungry, not even close. I just feel like eating. I'll find stuff to eat all the time, be it healthy or not, usually not. Ice cream is my all time favorite. I think I get that from my dad. He would eat ice cream all the time. We would have ice cream in the house at all times growing up. Then, for Lent one year, he gave it up and hardly eats it now, if at all. I think I need a food intervention or something. I just want to eat all the time. It really shows, too. I've seen changes in me physically and emotionally. I've never been as big as I am. People says I'm not fat (this lady sure thinks so) and that my body is proportioned correctly. I really appreciate when people say that but I can't help but feel like crap. I look at myself and wonder how I let myself get like this?

I've also wanted to do several creative things lately. I want to paint. I even knida know what I want to paint. I just need to get my big butt up and go get the supplies. Any ideas? I start belly dance class again tomorrow night (WOOHOO!). I was feeling super excited about it then I started feeling fat. I start my cable hat kitting class on Thursday. I'm getting my yarn and needles on Wednesday and am super excited about that. The hats will be pink for the Race for the Cure coming up on March 20th. Go. Read. Donate.

Not as great as we thought

I'm reading the Feburary issue of Glamour and I came across a very interesting article. Now, before I talk about it, I do feel the need to let you know that I'm not my soap box or high horse or anything else you can think of. I, in fact, use to be one of these people. You know them. They have bronze skin, a great tan. You may even beat little jealous. I hope you're not. It's made out to be so great and wonderful, that you'll look and feel better. It's made popular on television. Fake and bake. Not so great. When I was in undergrad, I use to be one of them. It didn't start off so bad, maybe a few times a month. Then that didn't seem to do it anymore. I would go for longer perids of time in the bed. I would go everyday. It got so bad that my friends would know when I went tannig because they could smell the burnt skin. Yeah, sexy. I know. I knew what I was doing. I knew what it was doing to my skin. Still, it didn't matter. Then one day, I stopped. I, along with my checking account, couldn't take it anymore. It started being something I felt I had to do everyday. If I didn't go, I felt I let myself down somehow. How messed up is that? Really? I'd rather be not tan and health then with one and sick. When are these peope going to lean? What are your thoughts on the matter?

Case of the blahs....

I feel more accomplished today than I have in a while.

I bought two pair of black pants that actually fit (YAY!!!!), registered for my cable hat class at the Yarn Nook, as well as signed up with Kim for a shirt for the upcoming breast cancer walk.

All was well until I realized I only had 15 minutes to get to my bar card class (I'm the one that is always 15 moniytes early for everything....if I'm not going with Cain lol). So, I speed across town with 2 minutes to spare! Turns out the instructor locked the door. Dude, we have two minutes...let us in. So he did. I eneded up sitting by some really cool guy named Ryan. He's now my friend on Twitter. It's his birthday today!

I am now legally allowed to sell alcochol in the state of Louisiana another 4 years and in city of Lafayette for another 2....ya know, if I'm still here (see yesterdays post if you're confused). Woohoo!!! Gotta love those laws, baby!

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/yesthatgirl

Putting it all out there

I may want to commit Internet suicide after this, but it's something I feel I have to do.

One of my favorite bloggers,Muppet Soul, came back to blogging this week. I have missed her so freaking much. She is a great writter. She makes me laugh. I want to write like her. This leads to me someone else.

Another of my favorite bloggers, LiLu, wrote a great post on her blog about finding your own voice. I need to do that. I also need to go like Muppet and write everyday!!! EVERYDAY!!!

Here comes the Internet suicide part:

I had to renew my bar card (city and state) by the end of the month. So, yesterday morning, my friend and I decide to go before work to get it out the way. We pay and get to the office fairly quickly, no problem. I just happen to get the lady processor this morning. She's going over all of my information and we're chatting like old friends. Man, could I be more wrong. Three things happen that ruin my day.
First, she tells me I can take the class this Thursday and won't have to worry about it for another four years, that hopefully I won't have to ever take it again. Thank you so freaking much, lady I've known for all of 5 minutes, to point out that I'm 26 and still work at the same damn place after four years. I let that go.
Second, she comments on my weight. She say's "Wait, you were 162 (that's A LIE....my state card says 152. Wanna see???) the last time you came in here." My current weight is 180 (INTERNET SUICIDE). I wanted to jump across the desk and beat her. I played that one off as having eating out a lot with my boyfriend (which is more than true....I'll save that for other time)
Third, I woke up about 39 minutes before I was suppose to meet my friend this AM. That doesn't leave much time to look fabulously picture ready. I thought I didn't look that bad; I managed to run my fingers through my hair and pinch my cheeks. When it comes time for the picture part, I thought she was going to ask me to get in front of the camera as cheese it up. Boy, was I dead wrong. Instead, she asks if I want to just reprint my picture because I don't look that much different than I did in the last one. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Thank you lady, for ruining what very little self esteem I had. Thank you.

This just keeps getting better.

Monday, I had to shopping for black pants (we switching to them for work). I tried dying my kahki pants black and it didn't work :-( I HATE shopping. I'm short, fat and have big hips and boobs. Yeah, that makes for a great shopping experience. Let me tell you. Anyway, back to the black pants. We ended up going to Goodwil because we are broke (in other words, we make nothing at our job, but hey, we're lucky to have one, right?) We search through all the black pants and each find a pair that fit and I get two "boobie shirts", as my friend calls them. I put them on today for work and have been uncomfortable all day. They fit great in the hip and thigh area (my problem area). Problem is they about two inches from my boobs and ride up a little in the crotch. Great.

My stomach hurt all morning. It sucked. After I used the bathroom, though, I felt better. I need to start drinking more water. My mom always told me: drink clear, pee clear. It's always worked for me. Has your mom ever told you stuff like that?

What a way to start

I'm tired and I can't seem to fall asleep. My first post of the new year....three weeks late. I do have goode news...I finally finished my first ever knitting project. Ya know, I one I started last SEPTEMBER. It wasn't hard or time consuming. My dogs set me back a few times, though. Never, ever eave your knitting where animals can get to it. I'm going purchase more needles and yarn tomorrow. I want to start on a scarf as well as a hat. I'm super excited about these two projects because I'll be doing them on my own.

I've been feeling kinda down lately. I really miss my friends. I miss "me" time.