In your eyes

What do you do when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see? This has been on my mind a lot lately. I see things about myself that I don't like. I know I need to change them and I really want to. It just feels like there is somethig stopping me. I keep thinking about the me I am now and how people react to me. It's not good. I get picked on a lot because of how I treat people. It makes me feel horrible. Do people really see me that way? Am I really that girl? I feel like if I try to change, be better, people will compare me to how I use to be, that they won't believe me.

I'm not in the holiday spirit. I want these two weeks (winter break for schools) to go by very fast.

I'm treating myself to some hair products and a book (Knitting for Dummies) on Monday. My Christmas gift to myself. Hopefully it will help me feel a little better.

I need to get out of this funk. I hate this so much.

Back so soon

I know I just posted a few minutes ago, but oh well.

As the year comes to a close and the new year is within reach, I can't help but think all I things I want to do in the new year. I always make a resolution that I NEVER keep. I actually want to keep one, if not all of them, this year. I guess I just had to put that out there because I've heard it helps to have support. So, support, I'm letting you know now, I WILL NEED IT LOL.

I will post my resolutions as the time gets closer.

A lot on my mind

About a week about, my friend said she wanted to start a Bible study group. It sounded interesting, at least to just see what it's like. Tonight, we had our first meeting. There were just three of us there because the three other ladies had plans. Tonight, we just talked about how we wanted things to go. We talked about reading a few chapters a week then going over them the next week; we also talked about having topics to talk about. I learned about a book entitled The Message. From what I understand, it helps you understand the Bible if you are having trouble with the language. I'm glad I decided to come. I guess we are searching and looking for something deeper to believe in, to ground ourselves in. I've always wanted to read and truly understand the Bible.

I was baptized Roman Catholic. Growing up, we did not attend church. I did not have my first communion until I was 14. While there are things I do not agree with in the Catholic church, I like the structure it gives me. A few years ago, I read The Secret. A must read, if you haven't already. It's about sending good vibes out in the Universe and letting it come back to you, living in the now, being happy with yourself today and so forth. I have read a few more books like that. I have become interested in Buddhism. I've wanted to learn more about it. I like the thought of living in the here and now, of being present. I don't think I am very present in my life at the moment. I'm all over the place.

I'm at a crossroads with this. I like the structure of the Catholic church, and I like going to church (though I haven't been in a VERY long time). I'm not a conservative. I don't agree with all the teachings of the Catholic church. I just don't know where to go with this. I don't know where I identify religiously.

Anyone have any advice?

Get up and move your hips

Yes, I said it: Move. Your. Hips.

That is what I, and other lovely ladies, are doing at Oasis Belly Dance Studio here in Lafayette, LA. Check out the website at www.oasisbellydance.com. It's so much fun.

I decided to start belly dancing because a few of my friends do it and it seemed like fun. I signed up for Beginner 1 with Dayna on Monday nights. After my first class, all I wanted to do was cry. Why, you ask? Didn't you just say it was fun? Yes, I did. I soon learned that it's not just about moving your hips and arms. It's about getting in touch with yourself, about loving your body. Now, I'm not completely in love with myself, but I'm slowly learning to be. We completed our last class last Monday. I signed up to take Beginner 2 next semester, starting Feb. 1st. I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to class starting.

In our last two classes, we learned a dance. We learned the dance with no veil but Dayna sent us a video of the dance with a veil. I want to learn it with the veil. Next Tuesday, they are having student night at Zeus Cafe. Students in the advanced levels have to perform as part of their class. I'm going with a group of friends, and hopefully my sister, to eat great food, watch great dancing and maybe even get up there myself haha. We'll see about that one.

If you don't live around the Lafayette area, check into belly dancing whererver you may be. It is a lot of fun.

To knit or not to knit.....

....that is the question

My anwser: knit on!!

I was introduced to knitting by a client at the vet clinic I use to work at. I am so happy I was. Lafayette has a great knitting shop, Yarn Nook. They are a wonderful bunch of laides that I am very happy getting to know. Stop by the website and read more about them.

If you don't live around here, stop by your local knit shop and see what they have to offer.

It is such a great stress relief. I hope you find the same joy in it that I do.

Happy knitting!!!

Secret

I have a secret I've been carrying around for a very long time. It makes me feel stupid to even think about it. I'm scared to succeed. I'm scared to be good at something. I'm scared that I'll fall flat on my face and look stupid.

I think that's held me back a lot in my life. Could be the reason I'm still at The Grand.

I'm sending out resumes Monday for 5 postions open in public relations in the Lafayette area. Hopefully something good happens.

I'm working as much as I can at The Grand. It really sucks. But, that's life. No one said it was easy or fair.

Dreams

I've been having weird dreams lately. It's been for about a week. I've had dreams that I'm still working at the vet clinic, I've had dreams I was doing a a sideways hip pop in belly dance and doing it well. I also had a dream that while I was belly dancing, I raised my arms and had very hairy underarms. This morning, I had a dream, about what I don't remember, but I know it freaked me out because I woke up crying. I don't know what's up. I wish I could figure them out.

A first

I was fired last Thursday from the vet clinic. He felt I wasn't doing my best to get clients in when they wanted to come in. Clients there don't know the word NO. Apparently, last Wednesday, a very important client came in and rasied nine kinds on hell becuse I told him he couldn't come in the week before. The man called late Friday afternoon and wanted a bath for his dog. Me, not wanting him to leave his dog overnight, asked if he could come in Monday. He said yes but never showed up Monday. I thought everything was fine, that he would call back to set up another appointment. When I got to work Thursday morning, Vanessa was the only one to give me a heads up about what happened Wednesday. He waited until 4 o'clock Thursday afternoon, while I was in the middle of helping someone on the phone, to pull me in the office. He said he was sorry but he would need my key. I kept it together, gave him my key, said I was sorry, thanked him and left. I broke down
in my car. What really sucked was that I had to go to work at The Grand that night. They cut hours there so I'm trying to get shifts where I can. I dont know if I can survive on this salary alone. I don't know what to do. I've been very depressed lately. I e-mailed my resume to my cousin last week and he said they might have openings because they bought a comany a few weeks ago. I hope something comes through very soon.

DARE. Change.

May we all dare to change.

Feeling funky

I'm sitting here not wanting to do anything but have much to do. I've been wathcing Real Life on MTV all afernoon, about drug addicts and alcoholics.

I finally put clothes washing. After I put clothes washing, I just started crying. I've been having a really rough time lately, with work and all. I really miss my friends and family.

I felt better at my bellydancing class last week. I hope it just keeps getting better.

I like the cooler weather. I just want to sit at CC's and drink a pumpkin pie latte or a peppermint mocha.

End my rant for the day.

Can't seem to

I'm here at The Grand. It is the suck. Really. It is. Corporate has now cut hours drastically. The cafe is the only stand open during the week. Only leads work during the week. One open, one swing, one close. Yeah, we have to close by ourselves. Next Thursday there are midnights so there are two people coming in from 10-1 to help. It won't be that bad. I do inventory on Thursday nights so the week after may be interesting. They think they are saving money but they aren't. The closer has to do everything by themselves. It only means they are going to be here later. I hope they come to their senses and put things back the way they were. To make things worse, I have to work the Baker on Wednesdays from 2-5. Yeah, let me tell you how excited I am about that.

Sorry I've been such a bad blogger. I've been sick for the past week. I left work early yesterday and called into the grand last night. I slept all afternoon and night. I still feel a little groggy.

Hope you are all having a great day.

P.S. I love the rain

Nickelodeon

Remember these?

Howard the Duck

Remember Howard?

Full House

First vidoes post. Hope you enjoy :-)

Somewhere in the middle

I'm sitting on Cain's porch right now. It's really pretty and lovely outside. The sun is shinning and the weather feels great. My dogs are playing. Such a great Sunday. I was suppose to go to one of my best friends nephew's birthday party today in Baton Rouge. She asked me this yesterday. I don't feel like doing anything today. I know we don't see each other that often, and she comes here all the time, but I really need a day of doing nothing.

I've had a really rough week.

Work at the vet has been crazy, trying to train in the back. Work at the Grand has been crazy as well. We have inspection on Tuesday. Cafe is spotless. I'm cleaning the daiquiri machines on Wednesday. Friday night was bad. I cursed in front two customers, two young girls. It wasn't to them or about them. Baker (a.k.a. kiss ass) came into cafe, Ms. Susan was cleaning the popper, and, while looking at me, told her she didn't have to worry about cleaning under the daiquiri or Icee machines because he had done it that morning because it wasn't done the night before (I did clean under there,he knew that). I immediately turned around and let it fly. I apologized to the customers and to everyone around me, except Baker. He deserved it. I also worked with Caleb, someone I did not like until Friday night. It went better that expected, and I made it a point to talk to him before he left. Before I left last night, Megan (manager) wanted to talk to me. I was up for my yearly raise. She said she talked to Charlie and they felt I was was doing better with customers and all. Yeah, that's great because it use to be bad. I feel like I'm doing better as well. Yeah, Friday night just messed that all up. We are going to revisit my raise in a month. At least it's not a whole year. I told her that Baker had to leave me alone, that I shouldn't be harassed for doing my job. I told her that even if she does talk to him, he's still going to harass me. Hayley said she thinks he makes it his mission at work: 1) smoke 2) do nothing 3) harass Heather. I laughed. I can't believe I let him get to me. I talk all this talk about being a strong, independent feminist. I still let him get to me. Thanks to Baker, we have to revisit my raise in a month.

ULL played LSU last night. We lost by the spread, 28. The final score was ULL-3 LSU-31. I knew we weren't going to win but I'm glad we didn't lose by that much. Two days ago, the spread was a lot worse lol. So, GEAUX CAJUNS!! I'm still proud of them.

I start my belly dancing class tomorrow night. I'm nervous and excited. A couple that we took our Cajun dancing class with came by the theatre last night. It was nice to see them.

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday.

Fun

I bought a DSLite and ScribbleNauts today. It's pretty and pink :-) I'm having fun playing it. Now I have something to do when I'm bored lol.

Hope you are all having a good day.

Something new

I was sitting at work today and all I could think about what how I wanted a job where I mattered, somewhere I was making a difference, something good.

I'm tired of writing about how I hate my jobs and the suck of everything.

One day it will change.

Just a thought.....

I've always wondered why they don't use the first window in the drive thru?i mean, you pass it everytime you go thru the drive thru. Why not use it? It only makes sense and would make going thru the drive thru faster. Money at the first window and food at the second. That simple. Just my random thought for the night.

When is it going to end?

Cain's grandmother passed away Tuesday. The funeral was Thursday in Bunkie.

He hides his sadness in anger and jokes and takes it out on me. I know it's because he's hurting. I feel like there is nothing I can do to help him. It makes me feel bad. He thinks I say 'I love you' too much. He only says it when he 'means it', as he put it.

I'm not a fan of Tyler Perry. I have to deal with stupid people more than normal at the movie theatre. I finally got a break at about 10:30, after being here for about 5.5 hours. It sucks.

People that order daiquiris when they are with their kids makes me mad. You seriously need a daiquiri to get through this movie with your kid? What message are you sending them? That's just sad.

Pregrant smokers

Pregrant smokers

Cain and I are sitting at Nathan and Kristen's, waiting for BBQ to be
done. Kristen is going to deliver her third child any day now. This
one is Nathan's. They are both smokers. I don't understand why people
smoke in the first place, not to mention when they are pregnant. Don't
they understand what it is doing to their body and to their baby? Come
on people!!!!!

My head hurts and I'm hungry.

Happy Labor Day people.

Heather