Sunday, March 15, 2009


I have no peace here. I have no place of my own. Cain has the living room, where all his games are. I don't like hanging out in the bedroom all the time. Right now, Cain is sleeping and I'm sitting on the floor typing this. His brother Christian is in the living room, watching something on 360. I just want a space that is mine. When Cain and I are here, just the two of us, it's okay. I go hang out in the living room, usually on my laptop or reading a book, while he plays video games. 

I'm excited and very afraid to move into my own apartment, by myself. I've never lived alone....EVER! I'm afraid that I'm always going to be at the trailer. I don't want to pay rent on an apartment that I'm never going to be at. I won't have Broly. I'm afraid that being apart is going to drive us apart somehow. 

I'm not as strong as I thought. I'm not very assertive. I use to think I was a strong, don't take crap from anyone, feminist. Now, I feel like a wimp. I feel so out of my element at the vet. Last week was HORRIBLE! Amy wasn't going to come to work Saturday because she had been at the ER with her son all night and didn't get the sleep until about 4 that morning (she did come in around 8:30). It was just me and Laura. I have ZERO experience as a vet tech. We had appointments all morning, on top of people wanting to walk in. We had to feed, water and walk the dogs, plus feed, water and change litter boxes for the cats. Yeah, and we had the relief vet there (Dr. Carson was suppose to be out of town). I now know how to get stuff ready for a yearly. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything.

Cain doesn't really seem to care where I'm moving to, isn't helping to look for a safe place for me to live, didn't offer to help with anything. I know that I'm going to move right this time. I can tell you that much. They have already started saving boxes for me at The Grand. I'm going to sit down and pack only what I need. I know, easier said than done. I'm going to ask my friends and sister to help. My sister is an AMAZING packer. 

This afternoon, my mom, sister and I are going listen to a Cajun band at CC's. FREE plus coffee = VERY HAPPY HEATHER!!

Can't wait for Tuesday! We are having ladies night. I don't know where we are going eat but I know we are going to Artmosphere after to listen to a band. I will bring my camera. Speaking of camera, I need to downlaod pictures and post them LOL.

I hope you all have a great day!

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