Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I think I know

He's buying a trailer. It's right behind his brother's. It's across the street from our apartment complex. I was toying with the idea of moving in with him. It's small. I would have to put ALL of my stuff in storage, which I don't think it very fair. I asked him last week if he would it would be just the two of us, he said yes. We talked about it Sunday. He said he never remembers saying that. He's going to convert the wash room (once a bedroom) back into a bedroom so Ben(disgusting male), the roommate, can move in. I told him I wasn't moving in with him. He thinks it's no big deal. That hurts a little. I just think it's too small for all of us. I know his mom and step-dad are going to make it look nice but nothing compares to space. I walked in and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I cried a majority of the day on Saturday. I have to either find a roommate or look for a one bedroom apartment by August, when the lease on this one is up. I would like to find a roommate and stay in the apartment but I don't know how possible that it. I don't want to live with someone I don't know. Everyone is telling me that maybe living on my own will be a good thing. I've never really lived on my own, come to think of it. I went straight from my parents house to living with Cain. Even before officially living with him, I was at the apartment a majority, if not all, of the time. It just makes me sad that we won't be living together anymore, that I won't have Broly. Everyone says not to worry about it, that I'll see him (Broly) on the weekends. He's slept with me every night since June 13, 2008, the day we brought our 4 week old puppy home. That's my baby. I know it's not until August but just thinking about this makes me super sad and wanting to cry. We can't talk about it because every time we do, I end up crying and/or yelling, mostly yelling. I majorly need time for myself so maybe this will be a good thing. Only time will tell, I guess.

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