From a new place

I'm blogging for the first time ever from my new apartment. It feels so nice to say that. New apartment. What feels even better than that: home. Yeah, I said it. I'm home!! It just gets better because Broly is here. I come home, and my dog is waiting for me. That makes me beyond happy. We really have the most amazing friends in the entire world. They stayed and help move stuff all day. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. We got some awesome chili and good humus. We are slowly, but surely, making this a home. My dog moved in with a cat. This is a first for both of us. He wants to play and she doesn't. She hisses at him and he stares at her, sometimes whining. It's not going too bad. Hopefully, it only gets better.

It feels wonderful to say that I am home.

That feeling

I felt it creeping in last night on the drive home. That empty feeling, settling in the pit of my stomach. I have been down this road many times before. It use to consume me, taking over my entire life. I can now recognize and dig my heels in the ground to stop it. That's what I had to do last night. I don't let it get very far anymore. After drums, dance, food and TV, I went home. I didn't even make it to my door before the tears started. I unlocked the door, put my purse down and headed right back outside. I went for a walk (I know, I know....I shouldn't be walking in the dark alone...please don't fuss). I wasn't sure where the tears came from but man, did they. When I walked back into my apartment, they didn't stop. I cried for about an hour. I couldn't get to sleep. I tossed and turned, finally settling on TV. Just so you know, there's not much good on at 2 in the morning. Did I fail to mention that I had been up since 4:30 am? Yeah, I have no idea why. I fell asleep sometime after 2 only to wake up at 7 am, on the dot. Yeah, thanks body.

On a better note, I'm writing music again. So far, I have about 6 songs started. If only I could get past the first 30 seconds, I could finish them. I'll just keep writing and singing and hopefully something good comes of it.

I cried

I cried for the loss of years.
I cried for my loss of self.
I cried because time is passing to fast.
I cried because this is harder than I thought.
I cried because I have the most amazing friends ever. They are my family.
I cried because I know I'm stronger than this, even though I don't feel so at times.
I cried to let it all go.

Empty boxes

My living room is a wreck right now. You could say that my whole apartment is. I'm moving in less than two weeks and haven't done a single stitch of packing. The empty boxes in my living room taunt me. I have to fill them with my past, a past that's not so great. I don't want to take that with me. As I look around my apartment, there are a few things that I want to keep but really what I want to do is throw everything away. I ready to be me again, stronger and better. I thought I was okay. I'm still trying to figure things out.

I went to the doctor today, which a friend paid for. Turns out I have bronchitis. I have meds so hopefully I'll be feeling better soon. I spent the day with Jessi, mostly sleeping. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I really do. My love for them is beyond anything you can imagine.

Necklace giveaway

So, I follow this lovely lady's blog. She is an inspiration and amazing. She's hosting a lovely necklace giveaway. All you have to do is tell her what the best thing to happen to you this week was. It's that simple. If I were you, I'd head on over there right now and leave her a comment. Oh, and check out her blog and follow her on twitter. She's so funny :)

Ten on Tuesday

1. What’s your favorite kind of donut? Only from the best donut shop EVER....Meche's; I like glazed and chocolate with sprinkles
2. Do you use the snooze button? Yes, I do. I'm horrible about it. I let it snooze for about an hour before I actually get out of bed.
3. Do you write in cursive, print, or a combination of the two? Mostly in print. I don't like how my cursive writing looks.
4.Tell us a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road?

To make you tell this joke
5. How many languages do you speak? I speak American-English and a very small bit of Spanish. I would like to speak Spanish and French fluently.
6. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging as a way to express myself. Through blogging, I have made some pretty awesome friends.
7. Do you use bar soap or liquid body wash? I use liquid body wash most of the time. I really like the smell of Irish Spring bar soap, though
8. Do you buy bottled water? Yes, even though I know I shouldn't.
9. What did you think of the Super Bowl Half Time Show? I thought it wasn't all that great.
10. How do you feel about Steve Carell leaving The Office? Can it go on without him??