Time to do it

I've been pretty down on myself lately and it just don't seem to be going away. I really need it too. It's doing nothing good for me.

The bridesmaid dresses came in today. It has really got me thinkning about working out and getting in shape. My sister says that once the dress is fitted to me, it will look fine. I just really don't like the dress but there's nothing I can do about it. It's not my wedding haha.

I've been thinking about joining a gym or getting P90X. A customer, a guy at that, told me that it was really hard but that he was in shape after the 90 days. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice?

Something we all need to do

So, I'm at work reading O, The Oprah Magazine when I came to the very
last page entitled 'This I Know for Sure.' All throughout the
magazine, she has articles about decluttering and cleaning up your
life/job/home, ect. No joke, there's a lady that has over $30,000
worth of beauty products and supplies.....just crazy!!!

One of the things she talks about on this page is your relationship to
yourself, to others and to your emotional life. Basically, make
decisions that are good for you, don't have people in your life that
bring you down and have patterns in your life that serve you. Out with
the old, in with the new, as the old saying goes.

I look at this list, as well as at my life, and want to put them into
practice. I just can't help but think I'll be lonley. I keep coming
back to this and it makes me mad. Why should I live this way?

Back up it goes

The wall.

The one I built around myself to protect me from people like you.

People who talk about me behind my back. People who shares my secrets told in confidence. People I thought I could trust.

That's no way to live, you say.

I know.

I don't want to live this way. You force me to. I let you destroy my soul, my self worth, my amazing, wonderful self. You take it away, little by little, until there is nothing left. You are slowly breaking me down.

You are slowly destroying me.

The question is not why do you do it to me but why do I let you?

Why do I let you destroy me?

About her

I don't like the fact that she doesn't tell us stuff but she'll let Monica everything. They had such a great summer together. Where were we? I'm tried of being told "I don't want to talk about", though I know it's a person's right to talk (or not to talk) about whatever they want with whomever they want. I asked her to walk in the breast cancer walk months ago. Instead of walking with me, she's going to walk with Oasis, which is great. I just wish she would walked with me. When she found I was kknitting, she said she was happy I found a hobby I like, even though I picked up knitting after belly dancing. She makes me not want to dance anymore.

I hate telling someone something, telling them not to tell anyone then finding out they go and tell someone. I know I'm rambling. I just feel like crap.

Now I know what not to do when planning a wedding

This is starting to be a nightmare. I just don't want to do it anymore. She's in a completely different state trying to plan a wedding. We've emailed, texted, called...still getting nothing. It's really hard to get things together when the bride gives you nothing.

To anyone thinking of living in one state and getting married in another, DON'T DO IT.

Back story: she's living in Oklahoma with her fiance because he works there. All of their family and friends live in Louisiana so they are having the wedding here.

I'm so over weddings. I have a cousin that is getting married on April 9th. Only parents, grandparents and siblings are invited to the ceremony. She's having her reception on the 10th and is not even wearing her wedding dress to the reception. I won't be able to go to the reception (not that I wanted to) because that is the day of Monica's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I say, if you're going to have a super small wedding like that, get married somewhere you're whole family doesn't live.

Over it. Really. I don't think I ever want to get married.