Coming back for round 2

You would think I'd have learned the first time, right? Well, I must like punishment. Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale started today. I got up and went to the mall for 7. What sane person does that? Really? When I get to the store, I was told I couldn't enter because I didn't have the angel credit card. I wouldn't want a credit card even if someone paid off all my debt and gave me one, no strings attatched. That's just stupid. Why am I made to feel like less of a person, nothing, really, because I don't have, need, or want a credit card? Why can't I shop like any other woman there this morning? Why do I contuine to let them make me feel like crap?I was going to spend a lot of money there is morning. Thanks, Victoria's Secret, for helping me save it.

Repost if you want :)

I've been gone a while. Disappeared. Gone. Gone. Gone.

I owe the apartment people a lot of money. They messed up on the rent but my contract says I should be paying $50 more than what I have been. It stresses me out. I have no idea how I'm going to make it work but I will.

Nothing much else is going on. Still stuck.

Taking an online discussion on this book. Hopefully, I find help, not only with my current relationship, but with those I have with other people.

That's all for now. Yeah, pretty boring...I know.

I'll give it another go

Taking a cue from suki, I think I'll give the daily self photo thing a try....AGAIN lol. I said that the beginning of the year, I was going to start a picture-a-day for a year on DailyBooth. It was going well for a day or two lol. I now have this neat photo app for my phone that I read about on Photojojo (the most awesomest photo website EVER!) I've been there almost every day since I've dicovered it. Such a great site. Y'all should check it out.

I'm trying to learn more about photography. My mom has been into photography for years. I even got her on the waiting list for a beginning photo class. It was suppose to be a birthday present but the class is very popular and fills up last.

Cute camera

I would love to try out this cute camera. If only they would send me one to review lol. In my dreams, right?

I also like the photojojo website. It's clean and easy to navigate.

Fallen Friday

I spent a lot of money yesterday. I bought a strapless bra at Dillards and had the lady meausure me again. I'm a 36 DDD or 38 DD. I just stood there looking at myself. I couldn't believe it. My friend Melissa told me about a website I can buy bras for nit so much money. That makes me happy. Yeah, the bigger you get, the more expensive bras are (as far as I've experienced.) I also went to makeup heaven, a.k.a Sephora, and spent a lot of money. I had to throw out all my old makeup because I hadn't used it well over a year, maybe even two. I bought BareMinerals, a Sephora eye shadow palette, Nars Orgasm multiple, tarte marcara and eyeliner. I know it's a lot of money but that doesn't happen very often.

My left ear has been bothering me. It feels like it's underwater or something. I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm so tired of beig sick.

So, I've cried three times since I've been at work. I feel so alone and isolated. I want to buy nice clothes and pretty dresses but have nowhere to go in them. I haven't been to knitting in months. I have bellydance class on Wednesday nights now. There are three ladies I don't know and two I do from the previous class. I felt really intmidated by the girl starting next to me. Blah. Tomorrow is the bridal shower and bachelorette party. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully, we will all have fun. I'm bringing my camera so there will be pics posted after.

Hope you all have a lovely Friday and great weekend.

For you and me and all the girls

The lovely Jeney over at Just a Lost Soul Swimmin' in a Fish Bowl is hosting a giveaway. Go read and enter.

I've had a problem with food, thought the opposite of the book. I love to eat. I'm from the South. It's what we do. We eat all the time for everything. We have festivals about food. I eat when I'm bored, lonely, anger and for no reason at all. I've watched my mom struggle when her weight my whole life. She has gastic bypass sugery last year and is doing fine with it. Last weekend, I tried on my new dresses for her. She asked what size they where and I told her. She then looked me and said "Too bad I can't wear them." To have your mom be a size smaller than your is a shock. That's never happened to me before. I think it's great for her. I'm happy that she's happy. She didn't make me feel bad about it or anything. I just felt so bad after she said that because that's what we do to ourselves. I'm not going to stop eating. I am going to try and figure this out. I have started trying to eat healthy. I need to do some soul searching and get to the bottom of why I feel this way.

I hope that we can all figure this out. I hope that we can all learn to love our bodies and souls. To feel better from the inside out.

Eyes closed

I can't run from it, no matter how hard I try. It's always there. The feeling of it against my skin, blood running down. I'm tired of it always being there. It was my choice. I brought this into my life. I feel like a fake, a phoney. I'm boring, lonely, pathetic. Nothing feels right, nothing is going right. I want to be part of something that matters. I want to make a difference. I feel like I'm wasting my time here.

Time to do it

I've been pretty down on myself lately and it just don't seem to be going away. I really need it too. It's doing nothing good for me.

The bridesmaid dresses came in today. It has really got me thinkning about working out and getting in shape. My sister says that once the dress is fitted to me, it will look fine. I just really don't like the dress but there's nothing I can do about it. It's not my wedding haha.

I've been thinking about joining a gym or getting P90X. A customer, a guy at that, told me that it was really hard but that he was in shape after the 90 days. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice?

Something we all need to do

So, I'm at work reading O, The Oprah Magazine when I came to the very
last page entitled 'This I Know for Sure.' All throughout the
magazine, she has articles about decluttering and cleaning up your
life/job/home, ect. No joke, there's a lady that has over $30,000
worth of beauty products and supplies.....just crazy!!!

One of the things she talks about on this page is your relationship to
yourself, to others and to your emotional life. Basically, make
decisions that are good for you, don't have people in your life that
bring you down and have patterns in your life that serve you. Out with
the old, in with the new, as the old saying goes.

I look at this list, as well as at my life, and want to put them into
practice. I just can't help but think I'll be lonley. I keep coming
back to this and it makes me mad. Why should I live this way?

Back up it goes

The wall.

The one I built around myself to protect me from people like you.

People who talk about me behind my back. People who shares my secrets told in confidence. People I thought I could trust.

That's no way to live, you say.

I know.

I don't want to live this way. You force me to. I let you destroy my soul, my self worth, my amazing, wonderful self. You take it away, little by little, until there is nothing left. You are slowly breaking me down.

You are slowly destroying me.

The question is not why do you do it to me but why do I let you?

Why do I let you destroy me?

About her

I don't like the fact that she doesn't tell us stuff but she'll let Monica everything. They had such a great summer together. Where were we? I'm tried of being told "I don't want to talk about", though I know it's a person's right to talk (or not to talk) about whatever they want with whomever they want. I asked her to walk in the breast cancer walk months ago. Instead of walking with me, she's going to walk with Oasis, which is great. I just wish she would walked with me. When she found I was kknitting, she said she was happy I found a hobby I like, even though I picked up knitting after belly dancing. She makes me not want to dance anymore.

I hate telling someone something, telling them not to tell anyone then finding out they go and tell someone. I know I'm rambling. I just feel like crap.

Now I know what not to do when planning a wedding

This is starting to be a nightmare. I just don't want to do it anymore. She's in a completely different state trying to plan a wedding. We've emailed, texted, called...still getting nothing. It's really hard to get things together when the bride gives you nothing.

To anyone thinking of living in one state and getting married in another, DON'T DO IT.

Back story: she's living in Oklahoma with her fiance because he works there. All of their family and friends live in Louisiana so they are having the wedding here.

I'm so over weddings. I have a cousin that is getting married on April 9th. Only parents, grandparents and siblings are invited to the ceremony. She's having her reception on the 10th and is not even wearing her wedding dress to the reception. I won't be able to go to the reception (not that I wanted to) because that is the day of Monica's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I say, if you're going to have a super small wedding like that, get married somewhere you're whole family doesn't live.

Over it. Really. I don't think I ever want to get married.

My work

I think the blanket is coming along nicely. I'm hoping to finish it relatively soon. Pics to come soon.

I think I have ADD because I get bored with it very easily.

I'm thinking about opening my own etsy shop. What do you think?

Oh, anyone know how to get rid of a fever blister quickly? I need it gone by Monday (I'll hopefully tell you why tomorrow...)

Scared

Why are men so afraid of us?

I'm reading <i>I am an Emotional Creature</i> by Eve Ensler. Read it.

My friend T picked it up to see what I was reading and promptly put it back down. He saw the words Vagina Monologues. He said it was a "chick book". I wanted to punch him in the face.

I want to yell so loudly about our awesomeness, our power, our beauty. I want them to understand that we are women. Do not fear us.

It makes me angry when men belittle me, put me down, make fun of me when I tell them a feminist.

I don't want to speak to soon. I'm afraid I'm a fraud. I'm afraid to speak out for fear of not knowing what I am talking about. I don't want to look like a fool, but I want them to know they are wrong.

Why are they scared of us?

Book Whore

Hi, I'm a book whore.

Really. I am.

Coffee. Book. Knitting. They are my weaknesses. Don't ever ask me to give them up.

Today, I bought 5 books, even though I have books I haven't read yet. I don't don't know why I do it. Maybe I love books to much.

What are your weaknesses?

I needed to start two weeks ago

No, not what you're thinking at all.

I've decided to undertake a fairly large project.

I am making Monica and Lucas's wedding present. I have decided to knit them an afghan. A friend help me pick the pattern. It's going to be so pretty. I'm modify the pattern a little to make it more sturdy. Now, I'm just waiting on the yarn to come in. I also need to buy needles. I've using Lions Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick yarn in sky blue and a size 13/36" needle. I can't wait to get started. The shower is scheduled for April 10 so this will be my focus for the month or so. If it comes out great, I might just make one for myself lol. I'll keep y'all updated on my progress.

So much for today

It occured to me a few weeks ago that I would be working Mardi Gras.....all day and night.

Yeah, fun, I know.

I guess people have nothing better to do than come to the movies today. Most businesses are closed. I wish I could say that I went to parades this year and partied with the rest of the Cajun population. Sadly, I did not. That's okay though. I didn't have to fight the streets for a parking spot or the dunkin' crowds for a good spot and maybe some beads. Maybe next year.

Now, let's talk about tomorrow. If you are Catholic, like I am, so begins the season on Lent. Yes, let's give up something we otherwise would not live without for 40 days in hopes it will makes us better people and bring us closer to God. That's Cathoics for ya!

I'm giving up ice cream and really going to start going to church. If you know me and ice cream, this may be hard for me. I could eat ice cream all the time. I've ate it for breakfast once. Yeah, so.....let's see what you eat when there's nothing else. Don't judge me! As far as the church things goes, I've wanted to go back to church for a while now. I don't really know what's been stopping me (okay, so maybe I do....sleeping and laziness have beaten me thus far).

What are you giving up?

Lovely card

Card
Originally uploaded by kissandhug83

That's the card that Hayley sent me. I love getting snail mail. Do you?

It just keeps coming

Man, I had this great post set up for today until something else came up.

I guess I'll get to what I wanted to talk about tomorrow.

Now, on to my story about what happened tonight at the mall...yeah, you heard me...the mall.

Victoria Secret, to be exact.

M came into town this weekend, and we all had a great time hanging out on Saturday. During the day, we went to the mall and shopped. I even bought stuff!! That never happens. I really needed bras so I bought two from Victria Secret. I tried them on at the store and they seemed to fit. I wore one to work last night. Bad idea. It ended up being too small. I kept having to fix it all night. So annoying!!

After work today, I figured I was going to return them and get a bigger size. I went back to Victoria Secret and asked to be fitted. The sales associate called someone else to help me because she was busy doing something else. I told the lady that did help me that I needed to be fitted. She then asked what size I thought I wore. I told her that the bra I had on was a 36DD. She looked at me and said they didn't carry any larger than that size in the store. She didn't offer any more help than that, not even the fitting I asked for. She didn't really seem to even want to help me. I got my refund and left the store. I went back to my car, after getting food, and cried. Just what I needed. So, I have no new bras, which I deperatly need, and still have no idea what size I am. I tried using the tape measurer but that didn't seem to come out right; there's no way I'm a B and my bust measured 41"...yeah, great.

Any advice on what to do?? I really need a new bra, like now!

Back to me

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. The Saints winning the Super Bowl just means great things are going to happen. One being I'm going to stick with this haha. Yeah, great things are going to happen.

On another note......

The weather down here is just down right ridiculous. Really???? It has to be cold, wet and rainy with a chance of sleet/snow??? Thanks, Mother Nature. That's just wrong to do to people in the south. I wish I were home right now. Instead, I'm at work. I like that I can post from anywhere, though.

For those of you who read this regularly (yay for you!!), I slept at my apartment last night!! I know that sounds silly to you, but it's sort of a big deal for me. When I moved into my apartment, I had full intentions of living there by myself, being me, doing my own thing. Well, that didn't work out like I had hoped. I started spending more and more time at the boyfriends house. It was just like I lived there. Wait, don't you have your own apartment, with your own bills and things, you ask??? Yeah, I do. I think I've gotten through to myself that I need to live at my place, that I don't need to be with him 24/7. I need to get back to me.