Gender Roles

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of October, we’ve chosen to write about Gender Roles. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.
*****************

If you don't know, my dad was in the Army when I was growing up. That means he was gone a lot. That also means that my mom was the disciplinarian and rule maker. She was the one who punished us when we did something bad. She was the first to say  'No' if  she didn't want us to do something. Our dad sent us to her to 'make sure it was okay' and not the other way around.

Living in the South, men are called 'Sir', while ladies are called 'sweetheart' and 'babe'. It's still okay for men to think that their 'woman' should cook and clean while the men watch football or do nothing at all.

Watching my mom growing up, I can see where I get some things. For one, I'm a leader. Even when dancing, I have to lead. I like to tell it like it is. I don't take crap from anyone. I'm not sure I would have learned these things had my dad been home. I find that, although my mom took on both parent roles sometimes, I'm happy to say that I'm that girl who knows how to be strong.

Did I really do this to myself?

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of August, we’ve chosen to write about Physical and Mental Abuse. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis.
**************

He says he loves me. I believe him. He calls sex "mmmmm" and can't say the words period or vagina. We never make love. He just has sex with me. There is no connection there. I don't want it, but I let him do it anyway....because he loves me.

For years, I wished my parents would get a divorce because they would fight so much. I remember one fight really well. My mom pushed my dad down and said "I see...I see who they are loyal to", talking about my sister and I when we went see about him. She even tried to smash the computer with a cast iron skillet. She called me a few days ago, crying, becasue he called her a bitch when they were arguing. Part of me is really sad for her and another part is really angry. I guess I grew up with the "suck it up" attitude. People know I'm a bitch. When I get called that, I own it. I have no other choice. Let them think what they want. Screw them. I want to give that to her. I want her to feel empowered and strong. I want that for her so much.

Growing up, the "N" word was never said in my house. My grandparents would say it because they grew up with that. I never like that word....EVER. My boyfriends family is racist. They say that word all the time. If I ever have children, I don't want to raise them in that environment. I want them to be accepting of everyone.

All I can think is 'Did I really do this to myself?'

Tattoos

I think this is the next tattoo I want to get. I'm not sure about the fist in the middle yet. I want to get it on my ribs. Maybe on both sides. I would want it in pink because I like that color. What are your feelings on tattoo's and body modification? I recently stumbled upon my dear friend Amy's blog about the subject she kept two years ago. It looks like it was for a class or a project. I think I want this one too Posted a link to her body blog, as I like to call it. That specific link is to another tattoo I'm thinking about getting.

Oh, great news. All I have to do it turn in a 30 day notice at current apartment and Kelly, the lady who helped me with everything at Bridgeway, said she could get me approved there! So basically, I HAVE THE APARTMENT!! It made me a little sad though, to think that I have to move and don't want to. Everyone says I'm going to like it though. I think I am too, I just have to give it time. Now, it's on to packing!! This is where my sister and friends come in LOL.

Oh, little girls

Still haven't heard back from the apartment people. I really hope I get it. I need this. I need something good.

I'm craving aloneness right now. I desperately need quiet. I need a place to call my own. I need to find myself again.

Growing up, little girls are given kitchen sets and baby dolls to play "house" with. Yeah, we start 'em young. Although I enjoy cooking and cleaning (yes, I am crazy LOL), I hate to think that's what my mother had in mind for me, to be some man's housewife. To wait on him and and foot and raise a family. I feel like I've fallen into that role. I know we aren't married. I know we don't have a kid.

I need peace and quiet.