Confessions of a 20-something

Where you'll find me....

2011-05-27T14:12:00.000-05:00

So, I've moved!

Yeah, you read right, I moved. Well, my blog has anyway.

You can now find me HERE!

Go, look around, comment, stay a while. Would love to have you!

Date a girl who reads

2011-05-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

Stole this for this lovely lady. Go check out her blog!

This quote has been shared quite a few times on different blogs and every time I read it, I smile. It makes me want to grab a cup of coffee, snuggle in and lose myself in the world of books. So, grab a cup of coffee, snuggle in and find yourself in this quote. [Note: I don't condone lying to your significant other, being a book snob or insulting women's intelligence by assuming they don't know what they are talking about. ]

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You'll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She's the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That's the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She's the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she's kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author's making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce's Ulysses she's just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or if she would like to be Alice. (I do have a problem with this paragraph. Nothing like insulting women's intelligence.)

It's easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she's going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world. (Also, not a fan of this part...)

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She'll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she's sick. Over Skype. (Or on a random Thursday while you are getting ready to head out for beer and nachos with friends, as she is dancing half-naked around an apartment... )

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn't burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you're better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

- Rosemary Urquico

Stories from the mirror

2011-05-19T13:19:00.000-05:00

Everyone should do this.

It started off easy enough. A minute is a lot faster than I thought. I have this deep set wrinkle above my right eyebrow, a little to the left. I have that because I use to frown a lot. Why you ask? Because I was unhappy with everything in my life. I was so unhappy with everything in my life that I started cutting. Yes, I was a cutter. June 24 of this year will mark 4 years that I have not cut myself. It also happens to be my 28th birthday. I have my ex-boyfriend to thank for that. He told me he wouldnot date me if I continued to self harm. So, I stopped. I went to therapy and started taking meds. I struggle with this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I have learned to love myself and those around me. I stuggle with depression but am strong enough now to ask for help or tell someone when something is off and/or wrong. Looking back, I glad I went through it. It has made me into who I am today. I am in a much better and happier place now. I am surronded by people who love me for who I am. I love them back. I am so thankful for everything, and everyone, in my life. I'm turning those frown lines into laugh lines.

Oh, this is my 200th blog post! I know it doesn't seem like a lot to some of you, but I never thought I'd get here. Here's to more writting!

Wine and Love v2

2011-05-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

Wine and Love it brought to you by the lovely Nora. Go check out her blog and participate!

Wine:
* Time. Where does it go and how I can get more? That is basically all I have to wine about this week.

Love:
* Takeing care of my sick roommates
* Dancing
* Learning to coupon
* Saving money

Wine and Love v1

2011-05-12T08:17:00.000-05:00

Wine and Love is brought to you by the very lovely Nora. You should participate!!

Wine:
* Worry about money
* Worrying about if I'll have a job in a few weeks
* When I feel like there is nothing I can do to help my friends
* Not hearing anything for my sister about the food we sent her at work on Mother's Day
* Not hearing anything from my mom about Mother's Day

Love:
* Choreography is coming along nicely for all the pieces I am in this gala
* Saturday morning practice
* Learning to budget and meal plan (siounds crazy, I know)
* Joining a virtual book club
* COMMUNICATION!

Ten on Tuesday: Movies!

2011-05-10T07:56:00.000-05:00

This week’s questions are provided by (the lovely and gorgeous and newly engaged!) Nora and, as always, hosted by Chelsea. Can I just say that I absolutely love these questions?! So much.

1. If you could watch only one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
It would have to be The Devil Wears Prada. I love love love that movie.

2. Let’s say someone wrote a screenplay about you; what actor/actress would you choose to play you and why?
I would pick Sandra Bullock. I think she is a great actress and so funny. She can play both dramatic/serious and funny.

3. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in theaters?
Fievel Goes West; I know it's not a movie, but it is the first thing I remember seeing in a theatre. My grandmother took my sister and I to the movies in her tan truck and I got to hold her cigarette case.

4. Did you ever make out at the back of a movie theater in middle school/high school?
Nope, sure didn't

5. Are you a Netflix-er, Blockbuster-er or a Redbox-er? (Or none of the above?)
Netflix and Redbox!!!

6. Name one actor/actress who you would give anything to have a dinner date with.
I can't pick just one. It's too hard! Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock, Johnny Deep, Anne Hathaway.....so many more

7. What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
I think it would have to be this girl who was a mermaid and she grew legs and came on land, made friends, fell in love, ect., ect. It came out years ago. For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of that movie. I saw it with one of my best friends. We both walked out of the theatre wishing we could get the hour and half we sent in there back lol.

8. Do you sneak snacks into the theater when you go?
Heck yeah. I use to work at a movie theatre, and I know they make no money off of tickets sales. That is why the concession stand is so high. So, I suggest you bring snacks.

9. Movie theater popcorn: love or hate it?
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!! I can't tell you enough how much I hate it.

10. What is the all-time best Disney movie in your opinion?
This is so hard! I love all of them, but I would probaby pick The Little Mermaid.

Ten on Tuesday:Chelsea's questions

2011-05-03T08:33:00.000-05:00

Today’s questions are (hosted and) provided by Chelsea

1. What is the weather like in your city today?
It's rainy and chilly today! The current emperature is 55 degrees; with a low of 48 and high of 62.

2. Do you like the zoo?
Although I haven't been in a very long time, I do like the zoo. We use to go a lot when I was little.

3. Do you eat coconut?
On German chocolate cake and coconut cream pie. Also as flavoring in snow cones. That's about it.

4. Have you ever hammered a nail? Are you good at it?
Yes, I have. I think I am :) I've even drilled stuff too!

5. Does your family have a vacation destination that you visit often? They usually go somewhere in Florida.

6. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One

7. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Make sure the alarms are off, check my phone for missed calls/texts/e-mails, ect., use the bathroom then walk Broly

8. Will you send your kids to summer camp?
I think so.

9. What do you put in your baked potatoes?
Butter, sour cream, chesse, bacon, chives

10. Did you take swimming lessons as a kid?
I think so. I love swimming.

Reverb 11: What's blossoming?

2011-04-07T13:16:00.000-05:00

April Prompt:
What's blossoming?

I was so excited to see this months Reverb prompt. 2011 has been an amazing year. Sure, there have been down times, but I'm not focusing on those.

So, what's blossoming in my life right now?

I love Spring. I love the weather we are having right now. It feels so lovely outside. See, proof:

Saturday is a busy day for me. I've reconnected with a friend whom I haven't spoken to in a few years. We are having lunch that afternoon. Yay for reconnecting with friends. I am also going to the park that morning with the boy and Broly. We are then going to a housewarming party after lunch and the Spring football game at ULL that evening. Sooo excited!!!

Oh yeah, here's that boy I've been talking about:

His name is PJ <3

What's blossoming in your life right now?

Ten on Tuesday (a day late): Date Edition

2011-04-06T20:52:00.001-05:00

Stole this from Ashley. Check out her awesome blog :)

1. What is your ideal best date?
A picinic in the park, a concert downtown, just spending time together- doesn't have to be anything fancy, though those dates are nice too :)

2. How long does it take you to get ready to go on a date?
Shower, hair, makeup and clothes- usually an hour

3. What would you wear on the date?
It depends on the type of date it is

4. If you are married, how often do you go on dates? If you are single, when was your last date?
Not married but am dating an awesome boy :) We catch up on TV every few nights. We do have breakfast at Dwyers every Sunday morning, though. I love that so much!

5. What was your worst date?
It was a double date with a friend and her now husband. We went to Applebee's. Conversation was boring. At the end of the date, he couldn't find his wallet. My friend ends up paying for our food. After dinner, he asks us to bring him to Chilli's to babysit for someone who was at the restaurant. Yeah, bad bad bad

6. Do you/Did you kiss on your first date?
It really depends on the date. It has happened :)

7. If married, how long before you knew he/she was the one? If single, how long before you know if the person is marriage material?
I think it’s different for every couple and you can’t really know until you meet the right person.

8. Do you prefer day dates or night dates?
I like them both. Day dates can be fun and night dates can be romantic

9. How old were you when you first were allowed to date?
My parents told me I couldn't date until I was 15 or 16

10. What is the most embarassing moment you have had on a date?
See question number 5 lol

Here we go....again

2011-04-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

One of my blog goals is to actually blog more! Go figure, right?

Well, in case you don't know, I am now 'in a relationship' with that boy. That boy just also happens to be one of my roommates. I'm not going to lie, I am scared. So is he. We both want to see if this is going to work. It's great so far. He's nice and kind, treats me with respect, listens to what I have to say and is an all around great guy.

I was told today to 'not disappear', now that I am in a relationship. That makes me very sad. I don't want to loose people that I love because of this.

I really want this to work.

Grace in Small Things

2011-04-01T16:27:00.001-05:00

This week:
**Sex and The City mini marathon with the roommates
**Playing Bullshit
**Playing UNO
**Being sent a video of Louisiana Leroux playing "New Orleans Lady"
**So, there's this boy.....

Grace in Small Things

2011-03-18T14:49:00.001-05:00

This week:
**the awesome weather we have been having
**being the first one in the fitness center
**working out for a week
**30 Days of Lists
**Last drum class
**Zumba next session :)
**Bellydance costumes!

30 Days of Lists

2011-03-05T12:20:00.001-06:00

I participating in 30 Days of Lists. It's a really neat project. It keeps me journaling and it only take about 5-10 minutes a day. Here are a few pictures of my lists:

I'm looking forward to these things and many more :)

My goals for this weekend :)

I'm enjoying this project and can't wait to see more lists.

Grace in Small Things: Moving Edition

2011-03-05T07:59:00.001-06:00

If you don't already know, I moved last Saturday. I now have a place that I call home with two amazing people whom I love.

Here we go:
*we had nice weather
*we have the most amazing friends ever
*we had homemade chili <3
*we also had so good humus
*we got everything moved by 2 pm
*I drove a truck for the first time and loved it :)

From a new place

2011-02-28T14:18:00.001-06:00

I'm blogging for the first time ever from my new apartment. It feels so nice to say that. New apartment. What feels even better than that: home. Yeah, I said it. I'm home!! It just gets better because Broly is here. I come home, and my dog is waiting for me. That makes me beyond happy. We really have the most amazing friends in the entire world. They stayed and help move stuff all day. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. We got some awesome chili and good humus. We are slowly, but surely, making this a home. My dog moved in with a cat. This is a first for both of us. He wants to play and she doesn't. She hisses at him and he stares at her, sometimes whining. It's not going too bad. Hopefully, it only gets better.

It feels wonderful to say that I am home.

That feeling

2011-02-18T13:38:00.001-06:00

I felt it creeping in last night on the drive home. That empty feeling, settling in the pit of my stomach. I have been down this road many times before. It use to consume me, taking over my entire life. I can now recognize and dig my heels in the ground to stop it. That's what I had to do last night. I don't let it get very far anymore. After drums, dance, food and TV, I went home. I didn't even make it to my door before the tears started. I unlocked the door, put my purse down and headed right back outside. I went for a walk (I know, I know....I shouldn't be walking in the dark alone...please don't fuss). I wasn't sure where the tears came from but man, did they. When I walked back into my apartment, they didn't stop. I cried for about an hour. I couldn't get to sleep. I tossed and turned, finally settling on TV. Just so you know, there's not much good on at 2 in the morning. Did I fail to mention that I had been up since 4:30 am? Yeah, I have no idea why. I fell asleep sometime after 2 only to wake up at 7 am, on the dot. Yeah, thanks body.

On a better note, I'm writing music again. So far, I have about 6 songs started. If only I could get past the first 30 seconds, I could finish them. I'll just keep writing and singing and hopefully something good comes of it.

I cried

2011-02-15T01:17:00.002-06:00

I cried for the loss of years.
I cried for my loss of self.
I cried because time is passing to fast.
I cried because this is harder than I thought.
I cried because I have the most amazing friends ever. They are my family.
I cried because I know I'm stronger than this, even though I don't feel so at times.
I cried to let it all go.

Empty boxes

2011-02-14T19:42:00.001-06:00

My living room is a wreck right now. You could say that my whole apartment is. I'm moving in less than two weeks and haven't done a single stitch of packing. The empty boxes in my living room taunt me. I have to fill them with my past, a past that's not so great. I don't want to take that with me. As I look around my apartment, there are a few things that I want to keep but really what I want to do is throw everything away. I ready to be me again, stronger and better. I thought I was okay. I'm still trying to figure things out.

I went to the doctor today, which a friend paid for. Turns out I have bronchitis. I have meds so hopefully I'll be feeling better soon. I spent the day with Jessi, mostly sleeping. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I really do. My love for them is beyond anything you can imagine.

Necklace giveaway

2011-02-09T11:43:00.001-06:00

So, I follow this lovely lady's blog. She is an inspiration and amazing. She's hosting a lovely necklace giveaway. All you have to do is tell her what the best thing to happen to you this week was. It's that simple. If I were you, I'd head on over there right now and leave her a comment. Oh, and check out her blog and follow her on twitter. She's so funny :)

Ten on Tuesday

2011-02-08T13:37:00.001-06:00

1. What’s your favorite kind of donut? Only from the best donut shop EVER....Meche's; I like glazed and chocolate with sprinkles
2. Do you use the snooze button? Yes, I do. I'm horrible about it. I let it snooze for about an hour before I actually get out of bed.
3. Do you write in cursive, print, or a combination of the two? Mostly in print. I don't like how my cursive writing looks.
4.Tell us a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road?

To make you tell this joke
5. How many languages do you speak? I speak American-English and a very small bit of Spanish. I would like to speak Spanish and French fluently.
6. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging as a way to express myself. Through blogging, I have made some pretty awesome friends.
7. Do you use bar soap or liquid body wash? I use liquid body wash most of the time. I really like the smell of Irish Spring bar soap, though
8. Do you buy bottled water? Yes, even though I know I shouldn't.
9. What did you think of the Super Bowl Half Time Show? I thought it wasn't all that great.
10. How do you feel about Steve Carell leaving The Office? Can it go on without him??

Grace in Small Things

2011-01-28T09:43:00.001-06:00

This week:
**winning a giveaway
**guilt free caramel swirl mocha
**books
**music
**writing music
**playing drums

Sexy drawing giveaway

2011-01-24T14:32:00.001-06:00

So, remember when I wrote about that awesome giveaway I entered???

Guess what???

Turns out I WON!!!

I'm so excited and thrilled about this!!

I cannot thank this woman enough for hosting such an awesome giveaway!!

Now, what to buy??

Grace in Small Things

2011-01-21T15:17:00.001-06:00

So, its been a while since I've done one of these. I figured it was time.

This week:
**The new belly dance session started!
**Learning new choreography
**Two words: drum class
**Learning to trust and be open
**Learning that I can do and be anything I want, as long as I believe
**This awesome new hair:

**These awesome cupcakes, from one of the best roommates in the world:

**Trips to Target with one of my besties and walking around with this on my head:

Yeah, I'm one very lucky girl <3

Sex drawings giveaway

2011-01-18T14:50:00.000-06:00

So, I follow this awesome lady on Twitter, and she just so happens to be having a giveaway. You should go enter her awesome giveaway!!.

This brings up a lot of really painful memories that I have just now begun to face. I can't afford therapy so maybe I'll write about it here. More on this later.

Now, go enter that giveaway!

Changes, big and small

2011-01-10T09:24:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't posted in a while, and I did say I wasn't giving up on the blog thing.

Not much has been going in lately but there are exciting things in the near future. We started back up with troupe and classes start in a week. So excited to be back in the studio. I missed it so much. I am cutting my hair in a week!! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm going short but not super short. I haven't had it short in a very long time. It's something I need to do, though. You'll just have to wait and see :D

My big news is that I am moving in with two of my friends at the end of February. I'm so excited for this move. It really couldn't have come at a better time. I hate packing, but I'm going to try to use this as a time to get rid of all the crap I don't need. Yeah, we'll see how that goes lol. Any advice?

New year, new me

2011-01-01T12:56:00.000-06:00

It's 2011!!! Where did the time go? I don't know about everyone else, but I am very thankful that 2010 is behind me. It was a bad year for everyone I know. At the same time, it was a year of love and growth. I learned so much and loved hard.

A few months ago, I thought about shutting this blog down today. It was when all that drama happened with the ex. I thought about it some more and became upset with myself. Why was I letting someone tell me how to live my life? This is MY blog. No one elses. I can write whatever I want on here. If you don't like it, STOP READING! It's that simple. After talking with friends about it, I have decided to keep blogging. I really enjoy it.

I'll leave you with a few pics of the Rock Band 3 NYE party:

Elaine and Crystal :D

Q rocking out on drums

Me and Hayley <3

I know this one is dark but it's of me and Elaine <3

I hope y'all had a fabulous New Year. I hope this year is better than the last.

Grace in Small Things

2010-12-31T09:05:00.001-06:00

This is the last Grace in Small Things of 2010. So, this week:
**My friends
**Movies
**Quality time
**Walks in the morning
**Ice cream
**The end of 2010

Reverb 10: At my core

2010-12-31T08:14:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

At my core: I am stronger than I though I was. I have an amazing support system. I am worth it. I am loved. I can do anything I put my mind to. I am amazing.

Reverb 10: Gift

2010-12-31T08:01:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

The most memorable gift I received this year was the gift of freedom. The gift to be who I really am. The gift of amazing friends. I could not have asked for a better gift this year.

Reverb 10: Defining moment

2010-12-31T07:46:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I think my defining moment for 2010 was my breakup. I know I talk about it a lot. I feel like I not only broke up with him but also with a version of myself I didn't recognize. I feel like I lost myself. I need to take time for me and reconnect with myself. I know it will take time, but I know I will get there.

Reverb 10: Believe to achieve

2010-12-31T07:27:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I need to get off my butt. I need to do so much. I just need to move. I need to get a new job. I need to stop being lazy. I just need to do. I think I'll just keep moving forward. I'm scared I'll never feel complete. I need to believe in myself.

Reverb 10: Oh so oridnary

2010-12-31T07:20:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

The sun isn't up yet, but he's ready to go. He knows we can't go anywhere until he has the leash on. Once he sits down, it goes on and off we go. We live right across the street from a park so walks are easy. I enjoy being outside, just the two of us. I feel peaceful and ready to start the day. So ordinary.

Reverb 10: Soul Food

2010-12-31T07:12:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

This one was tough for me. I cannot think of anything I ate that really touched me. I really hope to start cooking and exploring food more in 2011. Food is such an important part of where I live.

Reverb 10: A photo is word a thousand words

2010-12-31T07:07:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I took this photo right after I got my hair done. I also got contacts that day. It was a new beginning for me. I strive to me, always better, always learning.

Reverb 10: Everything is OK

2010-12-28T12:52:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

Nov. 24, 2010 at about 7 pm. She opened the door, and I sort of tackle hugged/fell into her arms. She let me cry in her shoulder for five minutes. That was really all I needed. I looked around the room, into the faces of people who are now family, and knew that I was going to be okay. No one said it was easy, they just said it would be worth it.

Reverb 10: What's in a name?

2010-12-28T12:48:00.002-06:00

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

heath·er [heth-er]
–noun
1. any of various heaths, esp. Calluna vulgaris, of England and Scotland, having small, pinkish-purple flowers.
–adjective
2. (of a yarn or fabric color) subtly flecked or mottled: all-cotton turtlenecks in your choice of five solid colors plus heather gray and heather green.
[Origin: 1300–50; sp. var. of hether, earlier hedder, hadder, hather, ME hathir; akin to heath]

—Related forms
heathered, adjective

That is what my name means. I tell people I'm named after a shrub. Growing up, I knew lots of girls with my name. I hated it. When there was more then one of us together, it was confusing because you had to figure out who they were talking to. Over the years, I have grown to like my name. Not love, just like.

Enter belly dancing. Heather is not the most exotic stage name out there so I won't be using it. This has been a topic of discussion since solo night. I don't have a stage name and am having a hard time coming up with one. I want something that stands out and embraces me, not only as a dancer, but as a person. Any suggestions?

Reverb 10: Travel

2010-12-22T11:07:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

I didn't do much traveling in 2010, unless you count going to RenFest traveling, which I do. It was like a mini vacation. So much fun. I would love to travel more in 2011. I need to stop saying I want things to happen and actually make them happen. I want to make for time for travel in 2011. Let's see if I can actually make it happen.

Reverb 10: Past and future

2010-12-22T10:55:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Dear future me-
Take time for those who matter. Love with all your heart. Forgive freely. Stop worrying so much and just do. Work will always be there. You need to live. Don't regret decisions you have made; they have made you into the person you are. Tell people you love them all the time. Take time for yourself; go the movies, eat dinner, just be. I hope you have figured out who you are and love her. Stop beating yourself up. Life happens. Let it happen and love the journey. It's not about the destination.

Love,
Me

Dear younger self-
There are people in your life who love you more than anything. Turn to them. They will be there for you. Learn to love yourself. Learn when to shut up. I know a lot has happened to you but you are so much stronger for it. You have made your own family. It's okay to take time off of work. It will always be there. You will grow up to be headstrong and very giving. It's okay to take time for yourself. You will need it.

Love,
Me

Reverb 10: Avoiding things

2010-12-22T10:37:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Well, I didn't go to RenFest like I wanted every weekend because of work. I still haven't left me job because I'm scared I won't find another one. There aren't many things I didn't do this year. That's good, right?

Reverb 10: Healing

2010-12-22T10:33:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

My healing this year was slow and steady. I'm still going at it. I'm still healing from a broken relationship. It was nothing we both did, it just wasn't working. I'm still trying to find myself and am having fun doing so.

I would like to go into 2011 knowing that I learned from my mistakes and taking those lessons with me.

Reverb 10: Try

2010-12-22T10:24:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

This is short and sweet: I'm going to try to be a better version of myself in 2011. I have no other choice but to be better than what I am right now. I have to much life to live to anything but my best self.

Grace in Small Things

2010-12-17T11:15:00.002-06:00

This week:
**watching Broly sleep
**taking care of a sick BFF
**dancing to honor a lady who turned 100 on Tuesday
**looking forward to a new year
**"Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
**glad to be done with Christmas shows

Reverb 10: Lessons learned

2010-12-17T11:07:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I am very happy to say that I have learned a lot about myself this year. As the new year gets closer, I can only hope to take what I've learned forward.

I have learned that I have to do what is right for me, even if it hurts someone else.

I have learned that I have a lot of practicing to do if I want to be an amazing belly dancer.

I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.

I have learned the value of true friendship.

I have learned that I am crazy beautiful and that I am loved, regardless of my flaws.

I have learned that I love hard and fight for what I believe in.

I will take these lessons and move forward, toward a better self and better year. I am so thankful to have learned all of these things and more.

Reverb 10: A little help from my friends

2010-12-17T10:43:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I'm 27 years old and have never known the value of true and loving friendship until this year. They have pushed me, listen to me complain, comforted me when needed, let me be my crazy self, let me grow and learn but having my back the whole time. I have found the most amazing group of people to surround myself with. They think my obsession with Twitter and Facebook is funny (I heart social media hard!), they think I'm hilarious to watch football with (I yell, scream, jump up and down, do my little dance.....all at the TV; I get that from my dad), they take care of me when I'm sick (Wild Blue.....not for a very long time; just thinking out it makes my stomach turn), they let me sleep on their bathroom floor, we cheese out over photos, they let me say what's really on my mind, they encourage me, they let me know when I've taken it too far and when I'm being the drama lama. They let me be me. They are my family, my heartbeat, my life.

They love me unconditionally. They take all of me, even the not so nice parts. I could not ask for better people to be part of my life.

I love you all from the bottom of my heart, more than you will ever know.

Reverb 10: 5 minutes

2010-12-16T08:41:00.002-06:00

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

There is so much about this year I want to remember. I want to remember the nervousness before I stepped on stage for the first time in a very long time. I want to remember what an honor it was to audition and make troupe. I want to remember my first actual performance as a troupe member. Music stopping and starting, us finishing strong. I want to remember that I am a fighter, I fight for what I believe and love. I never give up. I want to remember her hugging me hen I told her it was over, letting me cry for 5 minutes then it was over. I want to remember how much I've found myself and lost myself at the same time. I want go remember the amazing friendships that I have. Helping my sister cook dinner and my pants getting ruined in my washer/dryer. I want to remember every good thing, and bad, for they have shaped me into the person I am today.

Reverb 10: Appreciate

2010-12-16T08:23:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I have come to appreciate my friends more than ever. They have been there for me like never before. They have seen my happy, sad, angry, stressed, crazy. You name it, they've seen it. And still, they are here. I've come to appreciate their honesty and love. I don't know what I would do without them.

Reverb 10: Making it happen

2010-12-14T17:31:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

I'm not the greatest at making things happen. I really should be, though. There is so much I need to get done. I need to find a new/better job. How am I making this happen? My friends are getting me interviews because I have given up. I know that's lame. It's high time I get my butt in gear. I need to make this happen.

I want to be a better dancer. Yeah, that requires practice. Me = dance slacker. I've even written about it. I want to be a better dancer. I need to make this happen.

I want to be better at a lot of things. I need to make them happen. I need to feel better about this.

Next year will be better.

Reverb 10: At one with my body

2010-12-14T17:05:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

It happened by the fire. Drummers behind me. Fire in front. Me in the middle. That night, I danced like I was the only person there. Something wonderful grabbed me and didn't let go. I let it run through me and out through my dance. Hips shimming, body moving. I felt more alive then than ever. It's magic, and I love it.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Reverb 10: 11 Things

2010-12-14T15:25:00.002-06:00

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been a little busy.

So here I go with eleven things I don't need in 2011:

1. Negativity: I think we can all say this. This includes things and people

2. Limits: I don't need to limit myself to anything. Those are just bad for you. You never know what you can do until you put your mind to it.

3. Worries: Especially over money. I'm going to try not to stress about it so much. That's no good for anyone, especially me.

4. Excuses: I'm tired of hearing them from myself and other people. I don't have time to deal with them so I won't.

5. Fake people: Enough said.

6. Working myself to the bone: I need more fun and relaxation in my life.

7. This cough that I've had for over a month.

8. Current job: I need someplace I can utilize my skills and learn new ones.

9. Junk food: I need to start eating healthier and living better.

10. Fear: of anything, especially the unknown.

11. Already taken care of.

Location:Doucet Rd,Lafayette,United States

Grace in Small Things

2010-12-11T14:48:00.000-06:00

This week:
**Amazing friends
**Soloing for the first time ever
**The energy in the room
**People who love me
**QT with people I love
**Belly dancing
**Drum class starting in January
**LARF

Reverb 10: Wisdom

2010-12-10T14:45:00.002-06:00

December 10: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

It has been about two weeks since I decided I had enough. It has been an amazing two weeks and even many more to come. I'm slowly returning to myself, to my happy place.

I was over it long before the breakup actually happened. To me, being single feels exactly like being in that relationship. We didn't do anything, we didn't go anywhere. There was no magic, no spark, no romance. It felt tired and weighed down. Nothing I did could save it.

We had that talk several times. He knew that if something didn't change, it was over. I knew he could see something was wrong but by that point, it was to late.

I hated hurting him, but I had to do it. I had to do what was best for me.

Reverb 10: Party

2010-12-10T14:24:00.002-06:00

December 9: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

I know it's a day late but oh well. I'm kind of glad I didn't post yesterday. That way I can tell you about last night.

In case you don't know, I'm a belly dancer. Like for real. Last night, I danced solo for the first time in my life. It was something we had been working in all session. Last night was amazing. It turned into this great friend gathering. I was so nervous. I didn't start getting nervous until about 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Yeah, great timing nerves. Elaine and I got ready together, making sure we looked good and to keep our nerves in check. We arrive at the restaurant and say hello to our many friends. As the time go closer, we powered up, energy running through our veins. I step out into isle. My music wasn't queued up so I had to wait. More nerves. Katie yelled something out, I can't remember what it was. I told her I loved her. My music starts and something powerful took over. I danced like I had never danced before. I had to remember to slow down for the first part. The second part was upbeat and energetic. They clapped along to the music and it made me even more excited than I already was. Before I knew it, my song was over. It passed so fast. I chugged water as I watched my other amazing ladies dance. I have never been so thirsty. After the solos, we all danced. It turned into a belly dance party. I want to dance a lot more now. I love it so much.

Reverb 10: What makes me beautiful?

2010-12-08T23:37:00.002-06:00

December 8: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I am beautiful. You are beautiful. I have heard "You are cute" so many times in the last week it's not funny. I will never leave the "cute" and "pretty" range.

I wad told today by a co-worker that my straight forward attitude makes me beautiful. How is that possible? I think my smile is pretty. I think it shines a lot brighter now.

What makes me beautiful are my experiences. What I have learned from them. My scars make me beautiful. They are proof that I have come through it. I am better because of them.

Reverb 10: Community

2010-12-07T09:37:00.000-06:00

December 7: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I never thought I would be part of any time of community. That changed this year. In August, I participated in VEDA, and we created a great community. I made new friends through vlogging every day. It was such a great experience. When VEDA was over, we tried to keep vlogging every day. Then November rolled around. I participated in NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. I have never written so much in one month, but I am so happy I did. I'm happy to be participating in Reverb 10. I'm happy to be writing again.

My friends are another huge part of community. We are this tight knit awesome group who have each others backs for anything. I would not be here without them and am so thankful we have one another.

I would like to get more involved in my local community in 2011. Hopefully, I can make that happen.

Reverb 10: Make

2010-12-06T12:36:00.002-06:00

December 6: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

When I read this, I laughed.

We were told we had to have a touch of plaid. Great, we thought. We went to the fabric store, bought a few yards each of plaid fabric. Excited to get started on our panel skirts, we headed to my apartment. That's where it gets interesting.

I had never sewn before. We put my moms sewing machine on my kitchen table, putting the thread where it goes. We cut our fabric, measuring each other. Pin where it needs it. We put the fabric on the sewing machine. Start to sew. Nothing happens. Trying again. Three more times. The bobbin comes undone. Try to get it back in. This continues for about thirty minutes. Oh, did I mention it was super hot in my apartment. Yeah, that's a completely different story. We finally give up and call our friend, Candice. She's magic. Seriously. She got the sewing machine working, showed us how to use it and stayed with us while we finished our panel skirts. I will always think about this when I hear the word plaid.

Reverb 10: Let Go

2010-12-06T09:29:00.002-06:00

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I'm a day late in posting this. Oh well.

Let go. Those are loaded words. So much easier said than done. This year was a big let go year for me.

I let go of a toxic relationship. It was bad for me. There was no me, only him. More sad then happy, more nothing then something. I let go of not spending time on myself. I let go of myself.

It's sad to say I let myself go. Who does that? I really did that? I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize the woman looking back. How did it get this bad? I'm slowly working on getting me back.

Reverb 10: Wonder

2010-12-04T12:05:00.000-06:00

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I wondered if I would ever really be able to do it. Would I ever really be able to break myself away from the toxic realtionship? Would I ever feel whole again? Would I find myself?

I did it, knowing it was the right decision for me. I needed to get out. I struggle every day to find myself. I look in the mirror and don't recongine myself. It sacres me that I've forgotten who I am. While I do find myself lonely at times, I also find myself filled with wonder. I'm proud that I was able to make such a hard decision. I'm excited about what my future holds. I'm thrilled to be living on my terms, even if I'm making them up as I go.

So, yeah, I am my own sense of wonder :)

Reverb 10: Moment

2010-12-03T09:55:00.002-06:00

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The butterflies in my stomach where so strong. I hadn't done this in so long. Had been practicing for weeks, getting all the moves and facial expressions down. Scared to death I was going to forget them. Practice that morning was nervous. Being watched by people far better than myself. My skirt felt so heavy in my hands, and I was scared beads where going to fall off my top.

I enter the dressing room that night, nervous as all hell. Watching everyone around me, putting their costumes out ad getting ready. We all walk backstage, being as quiet as possible. The music starts and we shimmy onstage. OMG!!! I felt so alive up there. It felt like home. The nerves went away. I calmed down and finished strong. I looked and felt so comfortable up there.

I want to feel more of that.

Reverb 10: Writing

2010-12-02T13:09:00.002-06:00

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

I enjoy writing. I really do. There are many things that do not contribute to my writing. Some I can eliminate, others, I cannot.

I need to get out of my head. I write a little then walk away. I do something else to distract me from the physical act of writing. It's hard for me to sit still when I know I have to do something. That is why I am so thankful for my phone because I can now blog from it. Yay!!! I think I just need to actually do it. Sit down and write.

Reverb 10: One Word

2010-12-01T14:22:00.002-06:00

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

December 1: One Word

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 word: change

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see me. I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

When I look back on this year, it has been a year of change. I met this year head on, this a boy by my side. I continued belly dancing. I was asked to join an amazing belly dace troupe. I lost myself. I let go of a toxic relationship. I danced. I sang. I wrote. I think the most important change I have experienced this year is finding an amazing group of friends. Seriously, my friends kick major butt. I could not ask for better people in my life. I am so thankful they are here.

2011 word: courage

2011 will hold great things for me, as well as you. I want to face if with the courage to venture out into the unknown. The courage to face my fears. The courage to love fully. The courage to stand up for myself. The courage to be myself.

Not feeling right

2010-11-29T09:38:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a lot.

Hung out with the best ladies in the world. We has a Disney movie today. Played with two very cute little boys. Man, kids are exhausting. Toward the end of the night, we did readings. Yeah, those where intense. I think I'm still drained.

Woke up this morning not feeling so great. The weather isn't helping. It's so gloomy. I have a contact appointment at 11 and a haircut appointment at 1.

I'm just not feeling all that great. I feel sad and alone. I have trouble filling up my time. This makes me want to work more. That's part of how I deal with things.

Today just doesn't feel right.

On being a woman alone

2010-11-27T18:06:00.002-06:00

It freaks me out to sleep by myself. I having done it in a very long time. I had a fabulous lunch with an amazing friend today. I love her. At lunch, we talked about our past relationships. I told her how it freaks me out to sleep alone. She said that it's probably because there's no a warm body next to mine. As sad as it is to say it, I think she's right. I'm sad that I failed as something, even though everyone tells me differently. I'm not use to being by myself. I'm not lonely, I'm alone. I need to learn to be alone again. I need to learn to trust myself again. I need to spend time on me. This is so much easier said than done, but I'm going to try. I know I am loved and that I am strong and can get through anything. I really do have an amazing support system behind me. I don't know where I would be without them. I love y'all.

Grace in Small Things

2010-11-26T14:35:00.002-06:00

**my amazing support system
**no one telling me I was doing the wrong thing
**the ability to watch movies for free
**knowing that I am loved and cared for
**knowing that I am strong and can get through anything

The end

2010-11-25T11:32:00.002-06:00

I know I have been a slacker with the posting lately. There is a reason, though.

I ended my 3 yr. 4 mo. relationship last night.

It just wasn't working. We've been down this road before. It got to that point again where he was doing and saying nice things because he knew something was wrong. I felt like I gave and gave and never received anything in return. It felt like we were better friends than in a relationship.

It still hurts. Why do I feel like the bad guy? Why do I feel like people are judging me?

My weekend

2010-11-22T08:43:00.002-06:00

I haven't posted in a few days. This weekend has left me all out of sorts. Work was entirely too boring, except for Saturday night. Like near tears boring. I slept most of the weekend.

My nanny made it through surgery on Friday. I went visit her yesterday. She's still in a lot of pain. After the visit, Hayley and I had the best coffee in the world (a.k.a Community Coffee), knit, talked then kidnapped our friend Katie. We went to the equivalent of a belly dance garage sale and I made off with some stuff. I never knew I looked good in orange/rust until yesterday. I came home and slept for about eleven to twelve hours.

So, that was my weekend. How about yours?

Oh, I'm super jealous of everyone who gets a three day work week. Lucky!

Grace in Small Things

2010-11-19T13:35:00.002-06:00

**I had an amazing weekend with my amazing friends
**having something magical happen around the fire Saturday night
**dancing my solo piece for the first time Monday night
**having AMAZING friends, I really couldn't ask for better people in my life

The truth

2010-11-18T15:30:00.000-06:00

He touched the scar on my upper left arm. Asked for a story. I said no and went about my day.

Now I think it's time I share it with you.

I'm a cutter. Well, was a cutter. The last time I cut myself was June 24, 2007. My 24th birthday.

It was a high I couldn't get enough of. I craved it. I carried the razor blade with me everywhere. I was so blinded by it that I didn't realize I was very close to loosing everyone and everything I loved.

They found out by accident. My sister and I were horsing around as my mom was trying to take our picture. She turned my wrist over and that's when they saw it. My started crying, called the doctor, had to make sure I was in no danger of harming myself or others. She let me go to work. I remember her calling me on the way there, telling me I had to get help or she was going to have me committed (she had the right to do that as I was still under their insurance). I freaked out, pulled into a bank parking lot and cried my eyes out. I eventually made it to work, cried some more. It was off to the doctor for me. I was put on meds and went to a therapist. That lasted for about four months. Then the insurance ran out. Fun times, fun times. No more meds, no more therapy.

I struggle on a daily basis to keep myself in check. I talk about it a lot more now. My friends and family know that I need them. I cannot do this alone. I'm thankful they are there. If you, or anyone you know, is suffering from depression and/or thinking about suicide as an out, seek help IMMEDIATELY!!

That's my story.

I won a pair of socks!!

2010-11-17T10:35:00.000-06:00

I won something!!

My wonderful friend Tabitha hosted a 'Sock it to me' giveaway.

I enetered this:

Sock it to me

That’s what she said

Sock it to me

Even in bed

Red socks

Blue socks

Big socks

Small

As long as you sock it to me

I want them all

I know it's cheesy, but I'm so excited that I won a pair of socks! I can't wait to see them and show them to you. Thank you, Tabitha, for hosting such a fun giveaway :)

My drug

2010-11-16T22:37:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling down ever since we got home Sunday night.

It's like a drug. I can't get enough of it. That's why I'm a performer. I love what I do. I love how it makes me feel. It's a high. I always want more. There's not enough time in the day. I want to do it all the time.

It's my drug.

LARF 2010

2010-11-15T23:45:00.000-06:00

So, as promised from the weekend, here are a few pictures and recap.

We woke up around six Saturday morning, got ready and started on the road to Hammond. We weren't even out of Lafayette before the fun started. I decided it would be a great idea to pluck my eyebrows in the car. Yeah, not so much. We stop for coffee. I get out of the car, doors lock and door close before I realize my glasses where not on my face. Yeah, I left them in the car. Thankfully, I'm a coffee addict and know the menu so I don't have to look at anything haha.

We get to Hammond with no problems. Here's a picture of how excited I am to be there:

We walk in the gate and are immediately asked if we are belly dancers and take a picture with this lovely gentleman:

While he is telling us about another belly dancer that will be in the area the following weekend, Creepy Bald Guy walks up. He tries talking to us. No big deal, right? Wrong! CBG follows us around ALL DAY. He even found us on Sunday. Thankfully, we had our protector there:

We where stopped multi times throughout the next two days for pictures with random people. We got free henna:

We danced with live drummers and awesome dancers:

This is a photo of out group near days end on Sunday. It rained, but we still had a wonderful time.

If you ever get a chance to go to a Renissance Festival, GO!! Seriously, I had a wonderful time and some very much needed bonding time with my amazing friends.

Oh, here's another story for you: at the end of the day Saturday, we were invited back to the camp grounds for a drum circle. I've never been to one and was excited to go. After getting food while getting lost on the way to the hotel, we make it back to the camp site. It's a huge fire pit in the woods. If you've never been to one of those, you have to go. We danced around the fire to live drummers. I even zilled. It was amazing. I also grabbed Cort's drum and started playing, having never drummed before. Something happened to me out there that I can describe. I was shimmying, rasing zills over head. I felt something inside I have never felt before. I'm so grateful for it. I'm just sad we had to leave because of Crazy Tamborine Lady. She kept coming up to the drummers and yelling at them, telling them that they were embrassing her and stuff. She was rather annoying. As we were leaving, she was getting fussed at. So, as you can see, we had our share of crazy for the weekend, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I had an amzing time with my awesome friends.

What did you do this weekend?

Sneak, Part 2

2010-11-14T22:23:00.002-06:00

So, I'm back home after a fantastic weekend. I'll leave you with this:

Stories and more pictures to come tomorrow. Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

A sneak :)

2010-11-13T22:19:00.002-06:00

I'm writing this on the way back to the hotel. I'll leave you with this:

More to come later. Happy Saturday.

Grace in Small Things

2010-11-12T09:48:00.002-06:00

This week:
**Going to LARF this weekend with my ladies!!!
**Dancing to live drummers for the first time ever this weekend
**Started working on my sister Christmas present
**Learning how to make a roux from scratch on Monday
**Peppermint white mochas

LARF and fairy wings

2010-11-11T23:15:00.002-06:00

On time today!!! Woohoo!! Haha.

Work was so slow today. We were close to climbing the walls we were so bored. I'm super excited for this weekend. I'm going to RenFest!!!! I'm going go dress up like a gypsy and dance my little heart out. I get to buy fairy wings!!!! Super excited. I can't wait to tell you all about it. You should follow me on Twitter to see pics from the weekend.

The one for my friends <3

2010-11-11T01:07:00.002-06:00

Man, this post is like an hour too late :( I fail again. Still posting as it where Wednesday because I haven't gone to sleep so it counts. Yes, it does. Don't question it.

I'm going to talk about friends. Ya know, those people who are just all around awesome. Yeah, them. Growing up, I didn't really have many friends, most in part because they or us moved, later in part because I didn't want to bother.

Now that I'm "grown up", whatever that means ,I am just starting to find out what friends are. I'm 27 years old. You'd think I know this, right? Well, not really.

I've just recently learned that I do have people in my life, besides my family and the boy, whom I can turn to. People I can be myself around, who will let me know when I've gone too far, when I've gone crazy and need to take a step back. There are people that I cry those snot cries, ya know where you're cry so hard snot comes out your nose? Yeah, they've seen me like that. I'm sure you've had some too. There are people who will jump up and down with me when we are excited and giggle like little girls. People to talk writing, blogging, pictures and music with. So, yes, that even means people who read my blog and follow me on twitter and all that.

So, I thank you. Thank you for being my wonderful, amazing, oh so awesome, beyond words fantastic, friend. Thank you for teaching how to be a friend. Thank you for teaching me how to love and care for someone in the way only a friend knows how. I love you and so lucky and blessed to have you in my life.

I'm a dance slacker

2010-11-09T20:45:00.000-06:00

I came across this post on Facebook by a very dear friend of mine, whom I love very much: Personal admission: If I'm ever going to improve as a dancer, I have to start practicing and dancing outside of classes. There. I said it. Now you all know I'm a dance-slacker.

That is me in a nutshell. Here I sit, not doing anything, when I could be dancing, improving, messing up and starting over. I still sit here. I feel like a horrible dancer only because I let myself feel that way. I freaked out in the car last week, crying and everything, because I felt like an inadequate dancer. Why? Me being me. As you all know, I was sick with past weekend (still have mucus in my chest and head) so I was unable to attend a double veil workshop I so badly wanted to attend. It made me super sad.

I'm just so scared to practice at home because I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong and there's no one there to tell me different. How am I to know?

I've think I've come a very long way in a year of bellydancing. Now, it's just to improve upon it, make it better, keep it going.

Maybe I'm just stupid....or desperate

2010-11-08T13:27:00.002-06:00

I must be really stupid. Maybe desperate. I missed a lot of work this weekend because I was sick. I still am. Ask me what I'm doing at work? Making up the hours I missed, I'll tell you. The boy was up at six with a very bad stomach ache and stuff coming out of both ends. He was suppose to work today. Me, being the stupid/desperate person I am, decided to take his shift. My mom and sister were suppose to come see Due Date, which I have already seen. Well, they invited me to lunch instead. My sister jumped my case when she found out I was working. This isn't the first time I've taken his shifts and ruined plans with them. I'm still sick. My sister's mad because she thinks I let him walk all over me and also because my body isn't properly recovering. I'll never get better.

Missed a day

2010-11-07T09:41:00.002-06:00

I failed already :( The reason I didn't post yesterday is because I was in bed all day, very sick. So sick in fact, that I had to miss a belly dace workshop I had already paid for. I spent all of yesterday in a Nyquil coma. It was so bad on Friday that I spent the majority of the night communicating with customers on paper. It hurt to much to talk. I'm feeling a little better today, still a little loopy from the Nyquil probably. I think it's from the weather change. I hope you are all taking care of yourselves.

Grace in Small Things

2010-11-05T16:36:00.002-05:00

This week:
**Tea and honey
**Ramen noodles
**Oversized comfy sweatshirts
**My dogs that cuddle with me when I go to bed
**Orange juice

This writing thing

2010-11-04T13:39:00.002-05:00

So, yeah, as I mentioned on Monday, I'm participating in NaNoWriMo. I have to tell you now, I was crazy to do so. Yeah, that's right, CRAZY!!

I let someone talk me into this. Really, I did. So, I have no one to blame but myself. I'm 5,000 words in and ready to call it quits, but I'm not going to. I am having fun writing and coming up with ideas. It's just finding the time to actually do it. There's so much else going on right now so to find tine to write is hard. I make myself do it everyday.

I now see why it takes people so long to wrote a book.

Maybe I'll get it one day

2010-11-03T12:33:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, the suggested topic was to write about a piece of jewelry that was important to you and the story behind that. Well, I'm going to write about that but not. See, I don't own the piece of jewelry I'm talking about. I've never even seen it. But, it's still special to me.

The year I was going to turn thirteen, my maw maw, my mom's mom, passed away. Oh, from those of you not from southern Louisiana, maw maw is what you would call your grandmother. Well, my birthday is in June. She passed away in January. I remember talking to her maybe about a were before she passed, and she told me she was going to get me a silver ring with my birthstone in it (pearl, I think). I was excited because she was going to buy it for. She said it signified me becoming a teenager or something like that. When she passed away, all I could think about was that ring and how I would never receive it. I don't tell many people about this. The ring has since become a symbol of my maw maw's love for me. Every time I think about it, I think about her. Hopefully, some day, I'll get that ring.

How do you know when it's real?

2010-11-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

OMG!! I'm posting two days in a row! That's like a record for me or something lol. Today's post in brought to you from a baby shower invite. Yes, that's right. A baby shower invite.

I received this invite a few weeks ago. It was sent to me by two friends who are hosting it for another friend of ours. I cannot attend the shower because of a prior commitment (LA RenFest!!). I had wanted to knit them a baby blanket but now really don't want to. I have tried to keep in touch with friends I had in college. I was (not sure if I still am) part of Sigma Alpha Iota in college. It's the International Music for Women. I am super happy I did it. I made amazing friends through it. I just don't understand how someone can say that they haven't seen me in a long time and say we should get together for coffee but never make any plans. People that were once important in my life, really aren't anymore. Why invite me to a baby shower if you don't keep in touch with me and have no intention to? I'm just confused by this whole thing.

It's that time of year

2010-11-01T14:48:00.001-05:00

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It's NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month. We post something every day, for an entire month. I think this will be good for me because I feel I've been behind on blogging. I'm am also participating in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. I've never done either of these before so we will see how it goes.

It stumps me sometimes about what to write about. I post Grace in Small Things every Friday, so that's something. You should do it. It's good to look at the small things in life.

I have a question. When did November sneak up on us? Like really? That means it's almost December. Speaking of November and December, I should let you know that I really don't like the holidays. Where I work, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the busiest days of the year. I can't wait until we hit Jan. 1, 2011. That means the holidays are over for a little while....Yay!!

Long road home

2010-10-30T12:19:00.001-05:00

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

There's that saying 'Home is where the heart is'. Well, I've been thinking about home a lot. Growing up, my dad was in Army. That meant we moved every three to four years. I remember my dad leaving for Germany when I was about 5 or so. We had to stay in the States until it was cleared for us to go over. I remember the day the moving can took our stuff sway. The house looked so empty but held so many memories for me, even at 5. I remember watching Freddie in the living room, not being scared. Now, I can't sit through a scary movie. The last one I watched was 1408, and I almost broke the boys hand. I remember when my sister was born, how we lived in the white upstairs apartment and the moved to the blue and yellow house. I remember trying to help feed her. I also remember getting a screw stuck in her leg from putting her in a high chair. In Germany, we lived in a split level house. Our landlords lived on top, us on bottom. Everyone around us was German lol. We had the best neighbors. When I graduated high school, I received a card from the lady that lived right next to us. They were the grandparents we didn't have. I'm so thankful they were part of our lives. I remember sledding down the huge hill off of Farmers Hill and getting stuck in the snow bank of the other side of the road. Moving back to the States, we lived on Base. I look back at that house and it's such a mix of emotions. In this house, I sprained my ankle for the first time, found out my grandmaw passed away and my grandpaw has a stroke. I see this house as the bad house. Still, I do have good memories. I loved watching the seasons change. That is way Fall is my favorite. My dad feeding squirrels on our back porch. Then my dad got hurt and we moved for the last time.

I really didn't make a lot of friends growing up because we, as well as everyone we knew, moved. By 7th grade, I was tired of making friends. I remember sitting at the dinning room table crying to my mom because we had to move....again. I remember asking why couldn't we just stay? When me moved to LA, I was the odd kid. I wore black nail polish and my hair was short. Kids weren't quiet back it, either. It didn't really bother me at first. It wasn't that hard making friends because I was in band and, later, chorus. I wanted friends but, at the same time, didn't. I just let it happen. I wasn't really close to anyone. I guess that why I want to fit in so bad now, but part of me is okay with being a loner. It's like I've been one all my life.

When I got the chance to do VEDA, I was excited. I thought I would make new friends, get more blog readers and vlog watchers. I loved doing VEDA. It was so much fun. Then VEDA ended. I tried keeping in touch with everyone. They just seem to have gone off without me. I sort of feel like I'm not wanted. I know that sounds silly. I guess I need to do more.

I've had this urge to leave for a while. To try something new, live in a new place. But part of me doesn't. I'm not sure it will ever happen. Part of me wonders if I'll ever feel at home.

Grace in Small Things, Week 7

2010-10-29T16:40:00.001-05:00

This week:
**Knitting and TV time
**Signing up for the double veil workshop
**NaNoWriMo starts Monday....I'm doing it for the first time ever
**Forced to do my combo in class

Grace in Small Things, Week 6

2010-10-22T11:28:00.001-05:00

**Buying Where The Wild Things Are (the book) for my cousin for her birthday
**Spending time with my family
on Sunday
**Able to be honest about what's going on inside
**Thinking about the military
**Belly dance

I know it's not much but it's something. Where did you find your grace?

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States

Didn't think this stuff actually happened

2010-10-18T19:19:00.001-05:00

We walked into an already crowded store. We knew we where going to have to wait. That was okay. We talk up to counter and order one pepperoni and one cheese pizza. We pay in cash. She doesn't have the change in her register to give us. I can understand running out of change when you are busy. What bothers me is that she put the change on the counter and proceeds to count out what she has, giving anyone the chance to take money from her drawer, which was still open. That's crazy! She tells us it's going to be 9 minutes. Even I could see it was going to be longer than that. Why not tell us it would be a 10-15 minute wait? Okay, no big deal. We wait and wait and wait. A pepperoni pizza had just come out of the oven. She asks the lobby full of people who order a pepperoni pizza. My boyfriend steps forward fro where we were standing and said we did. Some lady who walked about ten minutes after we did raises her hand as well. The lady hands our pizza to this lady. That's so messed up. I know we ordered two pizzas. We had to wait 10 extra minutes to get out pizzas. They really need to get their stuff straight.

Random thoughts for today

2010-10-18T19:12:00.001-05:00

Cigarettes. They smell like family.

One guy yells about abuse. His mother saying yes. Him getting blamed.

Another calls to see if she's okay.

Blue, purple and pink sky. Feels like home.

I wish you could see my insides. They are screaming at me. I want to scream back. Tell them to shut up.

I'm whole yet so broken.

Location:Camellia Blvd,Lafayette,United States

Chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake

2010-10-17T15:20:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, I had much needed time with my ladies. We haven't spent time together in so long. We had cream cheese, spinach and feta crescent rolls, Korean beef and chocolate chip pumpkin spice cake. I received the recipe from my lovely friend Erica (@LovelyAnamoly on Twitter).

I will now share with you the recipe for the cake. You should make it!

Ingredients:

1 2/3 cups flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 cup canned pumpkin (but I’d use more)
1/2 cup melted butter
1 cup dark chocolate chips

Steps:

Mix all the dry ingredients

Add the eggs and melted butter; mix

Add pumpkin and mix well; I used a little over half the can

Add the chocolate chips and mix; I used over half the bag

Pour into 2 greased loaf pans (or you can use one 9x13 greased pan) and bake at 350 degrees

Because I used more pumpkin, I baked it about 30-35 minutes; bake for 20-25 minutes if just using one cup of pumpkin

You can put cream cheese icing on it, if you like. We though it was so good we didn't use it, but I will have to try it next time.

This is what it looks like when done:

I hope you all make this and enjoy it as much as we did!

Grace in Small Things, Week 5

2010-10-15T12:25:00.001-05:00

**Spending time with my ladies on Sunday night
**Skype date with M and ladies on Sunday night...we cooked and danced and baked
**Talking with H about very deep stuff
**Starting to open up more
**Baking pear muffins and pumpkin bread with E
**Pumpkin spice lattes
**Feeling a little strong every day
**Nice customers and my regulars making my day
**Possibly buying my own domain

Something different

2010-10-09T13:43:00.001-05:00

So, I've been thinking for a while now about buying my win domain and starting over with my blog. I really want to learn web design and experiment with it on my site. If I do this, I don't think I'll transfer my old blog to the new one. I want this new blog to really be about me. I would also like it to house my hopefully-one-day craft shop.

The problem I'm facing right now is decided who to go with for hosting as well as finding a domain name. I don't want future employers to find this and not hire me (same goes with grad schools).

So, any advice? Suggestions? Help?

Grace in Small Things, Week 4

2010-10-08T01:03:00.001-05:00

***Stole this banner from Nora***

*Today is pay day
*The weather has been wonderful
*Secretariat and Life As We Know It come out this weekend
*My sister moved out of our parents house this week
*Spending time cuddling with my dogs in the morning
*Not breaking down when I was really low
*Hearing from people who received cards I sent; it makes me smile :)

Location:Oak Park Dr,Lafayette,United States

Gender Roles

2010-10-06T00:09:00.000-05:00

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of October, we’ve chosen to write about Gender Roles. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.
*****************

If you don't know, my dad was in the Army when I was growing up. That means he was gone a lot. That also means that my mom was the disciplinarian and rule maker. She was the one who punished us when we did something bad. She was the first to say 'No' if she didn't want us to do something. Our dad sent us to her to 'make sure it was okay' and not the other way around.

Living in the South, men are called 'Sir', while ladies are called 'sweetheart' and 'babe'. It's still okay for men to think that their 'woman' should cook and clean while the men watch football or do nothing at all.

Watching my mom growing up, I can see where I get some things. For one, I'm a leader. Even when dancing, I have to lead. I like to tell it like it is. I don't take crap from anyone. I'm not sure I would have learned these things had my dad been home. I find that, although my mom took on both parent roles sometimes, I'm happy to say that I'm that girl who knows how to be strong.

Grace in Little Things, Week 3

2010-10-01T12:04:00.001-05:00

Grateful for this week:
1. This awesome Fall like weather we've been having. Yay Fall!! Keep it up :)
2. My body hasn't given up on me completely
3. I'm getting back into vlogging, even if it is a few days late
4. I'm able to express how I feel at any moment in writing
5. Those who read my blog
6. I'm going to start making my combo for Tribal
7. Belly dancing <3

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States

Listen to your heart

2010-09-30T10:04:00.001-05:00

The alchemist speaking to the boy about why he should listen to his heart: "Because you will never again to able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

My heart has been heavy lately. I'm not really sure what's going on, but I'm going to let it happen. I'm going to try to listen and understand. It's been really hard lately to listen and understand anything. My heart is more guarded and closer off, though I'm an open person. What is the state of your heart?

Location:N College Rd,Lafayette,United States

The "Currently" game

2010-09-28T19:55:00.000-05:00

So, Tabitha is playing the "Currently" game. I thought I'd follow suit. Here are a few on my list right now.

Current Book(s): The Alchemist, such a good book. I suggest everyone read it.

Current Playlist: Belly dance music haha, trying to kind music to dance to for Christmas

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: I don't really have one

Current Color: My default color is red, I wear it at work becasue I have to and my college colors where red and white. I would love to introduce other colors into my wardrobe.

Current Drink: Water and coffee. I can't wait to drink pumpkin pie lattes and peppermint mochas.

Current Food: Honestly, junk right now. It's sad. I really need to get back into my healthy eating.

Current Favorite Show: Projecy Runway

Current Wishlist: I wish I could get out of my head, I wish I could feel connected to others

Current Needs: I need to stop worrying so much....about everyting

Current Bane(s) of my Existence: Bills and student loans....they will never go away

Current Celebrity Crush: Not really crushing on anyone at the moment

Current Outfit: Red shirt and black pants (work outfit)

Current Excitement: Nothing really....that's so sad

Current Link: Nothing here either....blah

Do things really change?

2010-09-27T10:52:00.001-05:00

I took this picture yesterday in Church. It belonged to the teenage girl sitting in front of me. When I saw this, it instantly brought back memories of middle school and friends. I remember when I had my friends sign my bags and such. All I could think was that I hoped she found amazing, lifelong friends who love, care and are there for her.

It also made me think about where those people are now and what they are doing with their life. I was never part of the popular crows in school. I didn't really even have a group (although I wad in band and choir). I was more of a loner. The movie The Social Network comes out this week. I really want to watch it. I recently went through my friend list on Facebook and deleted people I'm not really friends with. My thing is, if you weren't my friend in high school, why do you want to be friends now? For some reason, I still had a hard time deleting people. I know I need to go through again and delete more people. Why do I feel the need to keep people in my life that mean nothing to me? Why do I feel like adding them to my Facebook will make me feel better/more popular?

Location:Oak Park Dr,Lafayette,United States

In my head right now

2010-09-25T23:27:00.001-05:00

There's so much on my mind right now. First, my car. It's cost me $500 to fix. That's $500 I really don't have, and I can't ask my parents for help. Second, I'm tired of hearing how his mom pays for this and his mom pays for that. Example: "Oh, I can't buy you food, but my mom gave me money to buy me and my brother dinner" or "My mom has someone at my house fixing the floor". Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I spent the money on my car and got it fixed. It no longer leaks and smells like gas. The fuel pump mechanism was cracked inside and out. The mechanic said he had never seen anything like that before. Then he tells me I need to get my brakes fixed next. I just have the best luck with cars. There's no one I can turn to for help money wise. I picked up two extra shifts at work. Now I work a double Friday and Saturday. I know I need the money. I just really need a break. I want to go on vacation. Blah. I'm tired. Of everything.

Location:U.S. 167,Lafayette,United States

Grace in Little Things, Week 2

2010-09-24T23:58:00.001-05:00

1. I have my car back
2. My car doesn't leak gas or smell like it anymore either
3. I'm grateful for Elaine and Cain for being my rides this week
4. Belly dancing <3

Location:Oak Park Dr,Lafayette,United States

Vlogging is back

2010-09-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

So, here is my first vlog since VEDA: Questions and Answer vlog